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    • December
      • Reverend Canon Doctor Alan Billings
        31/12/07
        Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

        Listening to Christian preachers these days is like listening to a Guardian editorial. It's all about the poor and the homeless and all the other useless people in society. Of course it's all right to feel pity for the lazy and i

      • Canon David Winter
        29/12/07
        Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

        The term Helicopter parenting refers to parents who hover over their children, acting as gunship, eye-in-the-sky traffic guidance, or rescue helicopter as the needs dictate. The term is meant to be disparaging, so I'll use it to point out that

      • Professor Mona Siddiqui
        28/12/07
        Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

        I've brought my children to Pakistan so that they can see how Eid is celebrated in a real Muslim country. Unfortunately it's too dangerous to go out at the moment. Even before the assassination of Benazir Bhutto, we couldn't use out

      • Reverend Angela Tilby - Vicar of St. Benets Cambridge
        27/12/07
        Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

        The northern glaciers are melting and soon there won't be any ice left. This would've upset C.S. Lewis as it was ice that made him believe in the invisible magic friend. Ice is characteristic of the north, so without any ice there won

      • John Cooper Clarke - Punk poet
        27/12/07
        Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

        [Ed - as a special Christmas treat we get two Thoughts For The Day today. The guest editor managed to pick someone who's even more incoherent than normal - quite an achievement really.]

        Christmas is terrible: bad jokes, ind

      • Rabbi Julia Neuberger
        26/12/07
        Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

        Well, despite the best efforts of every single elected council to ban Christmas, we had Christmas anyway. How do Jews, Muslims, and people with a different invisible magic friend, join in at Christmas? Obviously being with your family, giving and r

      • Rt. Rev. Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury, Leader of the Anglican Communion, and Primate of all England
        24/12/07
        Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

        I was recently visited by a Jew and a Muslim who were united in their grief over loved ones killed in the Holy Land. As with people in Northern Ireland before them, they have shown just how wonderful, uniting and uplifting religion can be. Religion

      • His Holiness, Rt. Rev. Tony Blair
        23/12/07
        Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

        We have become a Catholic.

        Being the straight sorta guy that I am, I decided to remain an Anglican while I was your beloved Prime Minister. Gays, Northern Ireland, stem cells and abortion would all've been a bit tricky for

      • A special Christmas platitude from The Most Reverend Dr. Barry C. Morgan, Archbishop of Wales and Bishop of Llandaff
        22/12/07
        Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

        All over the world, fundamentalist atheists are oppressing poor Christians. The Schools are full of them, indoctrinating children with atheist propaganda. Nativity plays, which in any rational, tolerant society would be compulsory, have b

      • Canon David Winter
        22/12/07
        Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

        Economics is a mystery. Which brings me neatly to Jesus. Jesus being born on Christmas day is also a mystery. You can be sure that Jesus' birth was very mysterious because I'm telling you that it was. Don't bother trying to understan

      • The Most Reverend Vincent Nichols, Catholic Archbishop of Birmingham
        21/12/07
        Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

        O little town of Bethlehem
        How still we see thee lie
        Barbed wires and walls have stopped all trade
        The merchants wander by
        Yet in thy dark streets shineth
        No light of any kind
        Borders and tears enhance thy fears
        N

      • Reverend Angela Tilby - Vicar of St. Benets Cambridge
        20/12/07
        Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

        My surgery treats me like an anonymous patient, moved from one waiting room to the next - a number on a form with some boxes ticked. That's what our society is like now, impersonal and cold. It's why hardly anyone believes in the invisibl

      • Reverend Dr Giles Fraser - Vicar of Putney
        19/12/07
        Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous)

        Christmas is coming! Some theologians liken the birth of Christ to the invisible magic friend giving up all his power, a bit like Castro giving up the presidency in Cuba, or Prospero in "The Tempest". In each case there is a dictator wh

      • Reverend Canon Doctor Alan Billings
        18/12/07
        Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

        Charles Wesley wrote loads of good tunes, including "Hark, the Herald" and "Love Divine, All Loves Excelling". Many people think Christianity is all about dogma, but most Christians get embarrassed when you ask them to say what

      • Rhidian Brook, writer and celebrity
        17/12/07
        Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

        I don't send Christmas cards. Being a writer and celebrity, I have far too little time to spend on such superficial rituals. Besides, I'm so popular that people still send me cards regardless. They tell me how much their children have gro

      • Canon David Winter
        15/12/07
        Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous)

        The parents of the missing girl, Madeleine McCann, are all over the more disreputable tabloids. It seems there are some people who just can't leave that story alone. I'm not going to mention the McCann story. Instead, I'll remind y

      • Sir Jonathan Sacks - Big Chief Rabbi
        14/12/07
        Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

        Lots of faiths have celebrations this time of year: Hanukkah, Diwali, Christmas. Of course, those of you who don't have a faith, can't have a celebration. I think it would be a good idea to suppress the perfectly natural urge to hate, kil

      • John Bell of the Iona Community
        13/12/07
        Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

        We in the West often waste energy because we can afford it. At the same time, in Bali, we are busy asking India and China to reduce their greenhouse gas emissions. India and China have taken over much of the manufacturing that was once done in the

      • Sensationally Reverend James Jones, Lord Bishop of Liverpool
        12/12/07
        Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

        Jamie Thomson, who takes his lunch at McDonalds, wants to be treated like a human being. Instead he has been fined for taking an hour to eat his burger and chips, followed by doughnut and coffee. I cannot think of a greater injustice to illustrate

      • Vishvapani (a much nicer name than Simon Blomfield)
        11/12/07
        Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

        The climate change meeting in Bali is doomed to failure. It simply isn't possible to halt global warming and continue economic growth at the same time. The solution to this, as with all things, is religion, specifically my religion. We've

      • Professor Mona Siddiqui
        10/12/07
        Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

        As Professor of Islamic Studies and Director of Centre for the Study of Islam, University of Glasgow, let me just assure you that old people are important. I want to emphasise this because many of you, especially non-muslims, think that old people

      • Catherine Pepinster - Editor of the Tablet
        08/12/07
        Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

        The perfectly sensible law of blasphemy has been watered down again. Whatever happened to the good old days, when blasphemers were sentenced to hard labour? That'd teach'em to persecute Christians. We should enforce blasphemy a bit more r

      • Sir Jonathan Sacks - Top Rabbi
        07/12/07
        Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

        Happy Hanukkah everyone! This is the Jewish festival of lights where we all celebrate the Jewish defeat of the Greeks. This was a great military victory, until we got beat by the Romans, when it became a great spiritual victory instead.
      • John Bell of the Iona Community
        06/12/07
        Rating 1 out of 5 (Hardly platitudinous at all)

        Good morrrrning. Two Czech couples have discovered that their babies were mixed up at birth. The anguish of deciding whether to return the babies to their biological parents would take the Wisdom of Solomon to resolve. Unfortunately they did

      • Blindingly Reverend James Jones, Lord Bishop of Liverpool
        05/12/07
        Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

        Liverpool, of which I am the Lord Bishop, has hosted two great artistic events this week: the Royal Variety Performance and the Turner Prize. Mark Wallinger won for his reconstruction of Brian Haw's one man peace protest outside the Houses of

      • Professor Mona Siddiqui
        04/12/07
        Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

        As Professor of Islamic Studies and Director of Centre for the Study of Islam, University of Glasgow, let me just assure you that the invisible magic friend has nothing against teddy bears. The people you saw demanding death for that schoolteacher

      • Rhidian Brook, writer and celebrity
        03/12/07
        Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

        Christmas, that great Christian feast which we invented and gave to the world, is coming. There's nothing you can do to stop it.

        It's so full of commercialism these days. Those of you who are not successful authors will probab

      • Catherine Pepinster - Editor of the Tablet
        01/12/07
        Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

        It's the first day of Advent, got that? Advent is the time when Christians prepare for Christmas. Christmas is our feast, we invented it, and just to make sure you don't forget it, we'll be reminding you, frequently. Christmas is when some lowly sh

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