Rev. Dr. Peter Hearty 
Monday, 17 November, 2008, 12:32 PM
Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

Today was a rather special day for me. After three and a half years, I finally passed my Ph.D. examination, with only minor corrections to my thesis. As I know you're all absolutely desperate to find out about using dynamic Bayesian nets to predict extreme programming metrics, you can read my enthralling thesis on the subject here (4 MB).

By a happy coincidence, I also have another announcement to make. Many of you will know that as a teenager I attended a junior seminary for those with vocations to the Roman Catholic priesthood. It was a source of great sadness to my family that I abandoned my vocation over the minor technicality of being a gay atheist. However, thanks to the good people of Universal Ministries and their free online ordination service, I am, since Friday, an ordained minister of that august church.

You all know what this means of course. I am now Rev. Dr. Peter Hearty, well nearly Dr. anyway (there's still the formality of submitting my corrections). I did think about paying the extra $100 to become the Bishop of Southend-on-Sea (which see is currently vacant - get it: "see", "sea", see? Ha ha!). However, I'm not sure how the University of London senate would react to one of their nearly-Doctors paying for titles over the internet, so I've decided to delay this for the moment. Besides, the exchange rate is rotten right now.

As a Rev. (nearly) Doctor, let me just assure you that I take my new responsibilities very seriously indeed. I shall continue to blog daily on matters of faith and spirituality, doing my utmost to bring some morality to you atheistic hordes. Indeed, given that I now outrank most TFTD presenters in terms of official holiness, I think the BBC's Department of Religion and More Religion should consider inviting me as a regular contributor.

You may now bow your heads to receive my heartystolic blessing, after which I'm going to get seriously drunk on communion wine.

In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti, nemo dat quod non habet.

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