Friday, 15 May, 2009, 08:18 AMRating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)
The Pope is leaving Jerusalem. Well thank Allah for that. Jerusalem, Judaism's holiest city, one of Christianity's holiest cities, and Islam's 874'th holiest city, is just a little bit less holy due to the constant battle between all the people who hold it so holy. Jerusalem, the holy city, blessed by having not one, but three of the world's best religions constantly fighting over it.
We've all been watching the Pope all week, eagerly waiting for him to make his latest gaff and give us the chance to be righteously outraged. Unfortunately he's been on very poor form. Jerusalem offers no end of opportunities to be undiplomatic but rather disappointingly, His Holiness didn't put his foot in any of the traps. Today he visits the Church of the Holy Sepulchre where he'll be welcomed as a fellow brother in Christ by representatives of the Greek Orthodox, Armenian Apostolic, Roman Catholic, Coptic Orthodox, Ethiopian Orthodox and Syriac Orthodox churches, who all run different bits of the great church, and only occasionally come to blows with one another.
The pope is of course correct in his belief in Jesus and the Virgin Mary. Unfortunately, the rest of his beliefs are just completely loopy. I mean, thinking Jesus was Allah? What sort of nutter believes crazy things like that? Phew, what a loony!
I do sympathise with him though. No, honestly I do (Bwahahahaha!!!). And there's really no need to raise that ridiculous old taunt about him being a member of the Hitler Youth. No need to mention it at all on the country's flagship news and current affairs programme. I'm not even going to allude to it in the slightest. Most unedifying to refer to it. Very unfair. Very poor taste talking about his membership of a Nazi teen fan club. Put it completely out of your mind. After all, we've all made these little slips in the past, haven't we?
Er, that's it. I'm finished now...