Rabbi Lionel Blue 
Monday, 7 September, 2009, 07:36 AM - Invisible magic stuff, Money, Prayer, Rabbi Lionel Blue
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

Er.....

Yes... many happy memories.... of things.... things that have happened... in the past... old things... long, long ago... in a galaxy far, far away...

Many of you... now that you've spent your bank bonuses are now seeking out the Invisible Magic Friend... You're finding it hard to find him... due to him being invisible and magic. Your financial ruin and new found destitution are signs... They're signs that the Invisible Magic Friend wants you to be that way... As an old time conversationalist with the Invisible Magic Friend here are my hints and tips for making first contact.

First, click your heels three times and say, "Where are you Invisible Magic Friend?"

I'M RIGHT HERE, IN YOUR HEAD, WHERE I'VE ALWAYS BEEN.

Not now, Invisible Magic Friend. I'm trying to explain to the wireless listeners how to find you.

IF THEY SPEND LONG ENOUGH TALKING TO THEMSELVES THEY'LL SOON FIND ME IN THEIR HEADS TOO.

You need to study the holy prophets.

OH, I WAS IN THEIR HEADS ALL RIGHT. THEY WERE COMPLETELY WACKO.

Try staring aimlessly at an altar for hours on end.

YEP, THAT USUALLY DOES THE TRICK.

If you don't have a lover then the Invisible Magic Friend can really help out.

I REALLY DO WISH YOU'D STOP TALKING TO ME WHILE YOU'RE DOING THAT.

The Invisible Magic Friend is there to be used.

TYPICAL! IS THAT ALL I AM TO YOU? AN OBJECT TO BE USED? YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME FOR MY MIND.

His greater power can cure you of alcoholism.

A SIMPLE TWELVE STEP PROGRAMME IS ALL IT TAKES TO FREE YOU FROM A POINTLESS, DESTRUCTIVE OBSESSION AND RETURN YOU TO NORMALITY. YOU'LL FEEL BETTER, HAVE MORE SPARE TIME AND WON'T BE SUCH AN ENDLESS BORE.

There's a big Jewish festival come up you know.

OH, WHAT A SURPRISE.

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