Excruciatingly Reverend Lord Professor Bishop Baron Reverend Lord Richard Harries, Baron Pentregarth, Gresham Professor of Divinity, Baron, Bishop, Professor, Lord...
There's an aspect of the MPs' expenses scandal that I don't think anyone has spotted yet. They keep saying that what they do is "within the rules". I now want you to listen very carefully because I'm going to explain something to you that is very important. Just because something is "within the rules" doesn't mean you can do it. Got that?
I know that in our libertarian, me, me, me society, this is a difficult concept to get across, but "Today Programme" listeners really do need to realise that there are certain things that are just not done. This is why nobody sends cards to their mums on mother's day any more, or helps a blind person cross the road, or holds the door open for someone in a wheelchair - because the rules don't say they have to. It's thanks to this terrible attitude that we live in the hell-hole we do today. Things were so much better in the good old days when people believed in the Invisible Magic Friend and paid due respect to Reverend Professor Lord Bishops (retired).
I'd like to trot out a few philosophers. Aristotle said something similar just the other day. I remember it distinctly. And Michael Sandel said we have to reason together about the meaning of the good life. By which he clearly means "do what the bible says", because all our values come from the Invisible Magic Friend. That's why other social species that don't have invisible magic bits have evolved them too.
As T.S. Eliot memorably said, "anyone who doesn't believe in the Invisible Magic Friend is a blind, deluded fool".