Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

The devastating floods in Cumbria could be about to return. I used to be a vicar in Cumbria. Every year I'd watch with trepidation as the flood waters nearly burst the river bank. Rather than petition to strengthen the flood defences, I'd trust to the Invisible Magic Friend and wonder how long it would be before we were all flooded.

It's at times like this that Christianity comes in really useful. What they need is a bit of Jesus around to calm the winds and the rain. Jesus, the magical meteorological manipulator, will soon have things fixed. All you need to do is visit your local church, say some prayers, light a candle in return for a small donation, and everything will soon look just rosy and tickety-boo. While there, you can ponder on the river of time, rushing by like a Cumbrian torrent, careering towards your inevitable demise and those of all you love. Sickness, pain, weakness, suffering and dementia await you all. What other religion brings you hope and consolation like that?

And as if all that weren't enough, there'll be sympathy. Lots and lots and lots of lovely sympathy.

Oh, and ethics.

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