Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

Should we lock up young offenders and throw away the key, or should we never lock them up at all? Obviously we need to consult my Big Book of Magic Stuff to find out which. Jesus, the visible bit of my Invisible Magic Friend, was a big fan of children at a time when no one else had really spotted they were around. This suggests that being nice to children is a good thing, something that I will bear in mind as I expound my thesis on the subject. I heard about a letter once from a youth's grandmother who extolled the benefits of him being locked up. "Best things that ever happened to him. He was a lazy, wild, no good little blighter when he went in there. They soon taught him a thing or two. Taught 'im a lesson that did."

As I think this anecdote clearly demonstrates, some young people find structure, discipline and purpose in their lives when they are locked up. Something that many of them previously lacked. So as the festive season approaches, let us all consider the true meaning of Christmas. As we celebrate the birth of the infant visible bit of my Invisible Magic Friend, I'd like to invite all Radio 4 listeners who would normally be mean, selfish and cruel to children, to please, please think of the children. Remember, locking one up this Christmas, could be the best thing you ever do.

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