Tuesday, 1 March, 2011, 08:53 AM - ButlerRating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous)
It's the biggesht newsh story in reshent times (hic!). The EU hash given prophylactic geological shtatus to Cornish pashtries. They musht be made in (hic!) in Cornwall and they musht be crimped at the side. Great! But one famush Cornish tasty maker is leading the revolt. She is indignant, defiant - for generations her Cormish pantsies have been crimped at the (hic!) at the top, and that'sh eshactly where the crimp is going to shtay. It'sh a matter of prince-apple.
You wanna know what'sh wrong with mattersh of prinshiple? I'll tell you what'sh wrong with matters of prinshiple (hic!). People get things all outta proporshun using mattersh of prinppiple. They fall over hedges with neighbours and shtuff. People even fights warsh on a matter of prim-nipple. Don't get me wrong (hic!), I've got nothin againsht people with prim-nipples. Some of my best friends have prim-nipples, you just gotta keep things in proportion, that'sh all (hic!).
George Bernard Shaw said you'll never find an Englishman... woman... person... Scotch and Welsh 'n the other lot? And another thing. Do want to know what Jesus said? He said "Woaaaa to you, you Fairy-seas, you.". That'sh what Jeshus thought about prinshiples. So there. (Hic!)