Rhidian Brook, writer, celebrity and Christian  
Monday, 16 May, 2011, 08:39 AM - Sex, Brook
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

Sex, sex, sex. Why does everybody keep going on about sex? You can't get away from sex. Everywhere you look, it's just sex. Did I mention that I've got an 11 year old girl? We danced to Rihanna's Only Girl in the World. I just want to mention Rihanna and Lady Gaga because they're always on about sex and mentioning them makes sure you know what a hip, cool, with it, sorta celebrity Christian writer I am.

TV, radio, newspapers, magazines, they're all full of sex. Even Thought For The Day can't stop talking about sex. It's as if everyone is just totally obsessed about sex. Sex, sex, sex. Well, as a celebrity, Christian writer, let me tell you a thing or two about sex.

You wouldn't have got Jesus going on a slut walk. Jesus didn't do that sort of thing. When a prostitute met Jesus, all the dirty, lecherous old men sat around in the room with their hands under their gowns, going "oh, isn't she disgusting," "yeah, what a tart" "yeah, I bet she does some really filthy things, she does." But the visible bit of the Invisible Magic Friend didn't say, "You're a nice curvaceous young prostitute, would you like to have sex with me?" That's because Jesus never talked about sex. He was far too holy to have sex. Not that there's anything dirty about sex, it's just that Jesus was too holy to have any sex.

Anyway, meeting Jesus was as good as having sex with him, not that Jesus would have sex with you, what with him being so holy, but it would make you feel like you were the only girl in the world, even if you were a boy. That's how good not having sex with Jesus is.

I wish everyone would just stop talking about sex.

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