Rev Dr Giles Fraser - Grumpy Ex-Canon Chancellor of St Paul's Cathedral  
Monday, 25 February, 2013, 08:20 AM - Gibberish, Fraser
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

And now for a look at the headlines from a faith perspective. And the big news that everyone is talking about this morning is my talk with Naomi Alderman at the Jewish Book Festival. She's just written a book about Jesus.

Oh yes, Jesus, imagine him popping up like that out of nowhere. While we're on the subject of Jesus, let's talk about Jesus. Jesus wasn't a Christian you know. (Please assist any Daily Mail readers who may be in shock at this point.) No, Jesus was a Jew. He was born a Jew, lived his life as a little boy as a Jew, grew up as Jew, ate as a Jew, drank as a Jew, worshipped as a Jew, read scripture as Jew, slept as a Jew, had his winkle done as a Jew, went to the toilet as a Jew, preached that he was the Invisible Magic Friend as a Jew, turned water into wine as a Jew, didn't get married as a Jew because he was really the Invisible Magic Friend disguised as a Jew, and finally died as a Jew. Then post-finally rose from the dead as a Jew and went up into the sky on a cloud as a Jew.

Judas Iscariot was a Jew too. Unlike Jesus, who had blond hair and blue eyes as you would expect the visible bit of the Invisible Magic Friend, Judas looked Jewish, you can tell from all the paintings of him.

Long, long ago, in a theological college far, far away, they had me tested. It turns out that I'm intelligent, perceptive, likeable, outgoing, trustworthy, cheerful, optimistic and the sort of guy everyone wants to be friends with. Huh! Personality tests, eh! Anyway, that's exactly the sort of person I always imagined Jewish Jesus was in his Jewish sort of way. So when we are worshipping Jesus, and be "we" I really do me "you", you are really worshipping me, which given all the positive personality characteristics that I possess isn't really that surprising.

Time for the word "existential" I think. Oh, yes, and "Lent".

Wasn't Jesus just fantastic!

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