Lord Richard Harries, Baron Pentregarth, former bishop of Oxford, Honorary Professor of Theology at King’s College, London 
Thursday, 24 January, 2008, 08:21 AM
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

Recently, we took our august self to patronise a form of entertainment known as a "stand up comedienne" - a format not unlike a Church of England service. Never having witnessed such a spectacle before we were intrigued to learn that the performer in question was a lesbian undertaker as well as a prize winning novelist and entertainer.

As Baron Pentregarth, former bishop of Oxford, and honorary Professor of Theology at King’s College, London, let all of us us just assure you that Jesus invented stand up comedy. Who can forget the belly aching laughter at the sermon on the mount, how we tittered at the raising of Lazarus, and then there was the hilarious garden of Gethsemane scene. Jesus of course had no possessions and not a care in the world. Being the supreme being with unlimited power and complete knowledge of the future may have helped a little there.

So now, as stock markets crash and your pension disappears down the plughole we can enjoy the endless mirth of seeing everyone's savings and investments disappear (we're all right, we purchased our considerable Church of England annuity during a stock market high). And if you really want a good laugh, just remember that there's always someone worse off than yourself.

Listen
Read
4 comments ( 500 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 228 )

Dr Indarjit Singh - Director of the Network of Sikh organisations 
Wednesday, 23 January, 2008, 08:41 AM
Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous)

Gordon Brown has backed calls for India to be given a permanent place on the UN security council. The political structure of the security council was created after WWII and reflected the military strength of the countries at the time. However, the power of veto has often been used for narrow reasons of self-interest. As it says in that old English hymn, which we all know and love so well, "By the light of burning martyrs, Christ, thy bleeding feet we track". This, I think, sums up well the role of the UN in the modern world.

The 4th guru thought that our long term interests are best served when we put aside factional concerns and look to the long term. The soviet dissident, Andrei Sakharov, thought that too, although he wasn't a guru. I'm sure I speak for lots of people then when I say that the UN security council should become more open and democratic.

Listen
Read
1 comment ( 449 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 232 )

Terrifically Reverend Tom Butler, Bishop of Southwark 
Tuesday, 22 January, 2008, 08:56 AM
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

They're putting metal detectors in schoolsh now. SSSssshhhhhhh.... if you want to beat the detectors (hic!), get a mate to pash u u're knife through the shkool fensh, or... ssshhhhh... better still, get l'il siss to bring it in.

Metal detectors won't (hic!) work. More police won't work either. What we need are more pashtors, preferably black ones, or maybe even a bishop or two. That'll sort out the little rashcals. You won't catch them mishbehave (hic!) mishbehaving where there'sh a bishop about. Yesh, to work (hic!), after jusht one more little sherry.

Listen
Read
add comment ( 176 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 242 )

Clifford Longley, religious commentator 
Monday, 21 January, 2008, 08:11 AM
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

China only allows each couple to have one child each. This is a gross violation of their human rights. Mankind has the unquestionable right to increase its population exponentially. Six billion people is nowhere near enough. Only the invisible magic friend can place limits on this, using appropriate controls such as war, disease and starvation on a colossal scale. That's why the Chinese are so afraid of Catholics. They saw how the mammoth economic and military resources of the Vatican single handedly crushed the Soviet Union (and it must've happened this way, for I remember it distinctly). They know that the Holy Roman Catholic and Apostolic church is pro-life. It will not stand by silently while countless billions of babies who have a perfect right to be conceived are brutally murdered by not being conceived. When will the Chinese support democracy and allow the Chinese people to freely follow the diktats of an unelected autocrat in Rome? We are all complicit in this by buying cheap Chinese MP3 players. Think of all the babies you are killing!

Listen
Read
4 comments ( 1071 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3.1 / 156 )

Rev. Rob Marshall - Anglican Priest  
Saturday, 19 January, 2008, 09:49 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

I've discovered the theatre. So it seems have many others. Theatre attendances are up, and not just at the West End shows, even the National Theatre is having to put on extra performances. Why is this I wonder? Could it be, that with 200+ TV channels, all showing reality TV repeats, we're having to seek out alternative sources of quality drama? No, it's because theatre is a spiritual experience. Good drama explores the human condition while creating tension between characters. That makes it spiritual. Over the years, those of us with an invisible magic friend have explained to you that music, poetry, art, architecture, philosophy, science and medicine are all spiritual, so it should come as no surprise that theatre is spiritual too. It is the human yearning for spirituality that makes us want to go to the theatre. If we're not attracting similar crowds to our congregations then it's just because we're not putting on a good enough show.

Listen
Read
add comment ( 423 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 157 )

Lord Richard Harries, Baron Pentregarth, former bishop of Oxford, Honorary Professor of Theology at King’s College, London  
Friday, 18 January, 2008, 08:09 AM
Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

The brutal murder of Garry Newlove by a gang of drunken teenage yobs just goes to show what happens when you don't teach Christianity to young people. I'm not going to mention that things like that never happened when I was at school. We were all taught to be good by believing in the Invisible Magic Friend, and we never kicked anyone to death. QED I think!

As Baron Pentregarth, former bishop of Oxford, and honorary Professor of Theology at King’s College, London, let me just assure you that you can't be good without an IMF. OK, I'll admit that some people are a little bit good without an IMF, but in all cases you'll find that they were taught to be good by having Christian parents. If you haven't got an IMF then you're just going to let your brood run wild aren't you? I mean why would they do anything else? Several famous poets agree with me on this so it must be true.

If we don't start teaching my religion again very soon, then the entire next generation of youngsters is going to murder all us decent respectable grown ups. Young people are naturally evil. They will kill us all if we don't convince them that they'll go to hell unless they're nice to us.

Listen
Read
2 comments ( 819 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 2.9 / 178 )

Turkey blocks main atheist website 
Thursday, 17 January, 2008, 08:32 AM
The Turkish telecoms authority, acting under pressure from Turkish creationists, is blocking access to the main atheist website: Ateizm.org (Turkish Telecom have a monopoly on internet access). The owners of the site are afraid to challenge this in the courts. If they make their identities public then they fear the attentions of Islamic extremists.

Turkey is very sensitive to criticism over its record on free speech. If enough people cause enough of a stink, outside pressure could get this reversed. If any of you have your own blogs or any political contacts, could you please help spread the word.

And for any religious victims in the UK who like to whine about how they have to suffer in our secular land and times, THIS is what real persecution is like.
add comment ( 341 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 173 )

Right Awful Anne Atkins - Novelist and Columnist 
Thursday, 17 January, 2008, 08:22 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

Oh dear, it's pouring with rain again. Some towns are getting flooded when they haven't even dried out after last summer's flood. The Invisible Magic Friend created the whole world and put us in charge of it, but we're not clever enough to make a weather control machine. What are we going to do?

We could dance around a totem pole asking the rain god to go away, but of course we're not going to do that, that's just silly superstition. We're much more sensible and rely on science. We pray to the magic Jesus to make the rain go away. Jesus is scientifically proven to work - he did it once before, the bible says so.

So, now that we've screwed up the planet's weather systems something awful, the sensible, scientific solution is: pray to the magic Jesus!

Listen
Read
add comment ( 324 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 180 )

Reverend Dr Giles Fraser - Vicar of Putney 
Wednesday, 16 January, 2008, 09:16 AM
Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous)

"Britain's too full of furriners, I'm off to Spain," said my cabby the other day. The Bishop of Rochester seems to agree with him. All over the country, there are areas where good Christian white people dare not go, for fear of being set upon by packs of ravenous muslims, although his bishopness couldn't pinpoint exactly where these places are.

But being Christian isn't a British thing. We are all Christians, even the non-whites. In fact, given the influx from Africa and the Caribbean, especially the non-whites. As a reverend doctor, let me just assure you that Christianity itself is an import from the middle-east, bringing with it a spirit of love, kindness and tolerance that had never been here before. Imagine what Britain must've been like before we all became so nice!

Listen
Read
1 comment ( 811 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3.1 / 175 )

Stunningly Reverend Tom Butler - Bishop of Southwark 
Tuesday, 15 January, 2008, 09:04 AM
Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous)

8,000 people are waiting (hic!) for organ donationsh. 1,000 people a year die without them. Should we shwitch from an opt-in (hic!) donor card based shystem, to an opt out syshtem where organ donor consent is ashsumed?

We Christians (hic!) think we should do thingsh which help our fellow man. Those of you who are not Christiansh can do this too, but you don't (hic!) have to. That's why I have to carry an organ (hic!) organ donor card, exshept I seem to have lost mine - I don't know how. Anyway, I've ordered a new one that will be here in five daysh, so I must be extra careful (hic!) until then. Just a teeny-weeny dinky little sherry this morning I think.

Listen
Read
2 comments ( 603 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 2.9 / 162 )


<<First <Back | 246 | 247 | 248 | 249 | 250 | 251 | 252 | 253 | 254 | 255 | Next> Last>>