John Bell 
Wednesday, 21 February, 2007, 08:51 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous).

I remember the good old days, when there were just two TV channels and they both shutdown at 6 in the evening so that the toddlers could be put to bed. We don't do that now, because they have TVs in their bedrooms anyway.

Jesus said to protect children from TV, otherwise they'll grow up fat, blind and unruly. They're made in the image of God, which is why they're all completely different. We should drag our kids away from TV and spend time looking after them for Lent.

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Rt. Rev. Tom Butler, Bishop of Southwark 
Tuesday, 20 February, 2007, 07:52 AM
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous).

When John Sentamu (hic!) was jailed by Idi Amin, he nearly died from lack of communion. A Catholic priest gave it to him just in the nick of time. It's against the rules for a Catholic (hic!) to give an Anglican (hic!) communion, but we Christians aren't ones for petty, dogmatic (hic!), ancient rules.

Some Anglican bishops won't take communion from other Anglican bishops because of you-know-what (shhhh...don't mention the gays!), and Catholics and Anglicans (hic!) can love each other just the same way. We might even pray for one another (hic!), one day (hic!).

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The Bishop of Southwark
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Rabbi Lionel Blue 
Monday, 19 February, 2007, 09:23 AM
Rating 1 out of 5 (Hardly platitudinous at all)).

Quite good this one. Best to go read the original rather than my poor parody. Basically he gives some tips on how to see the bright side of life.

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Martin Palmer 
Saturday, 17 February, 2007, 11:54 AM
Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous).

It's Chinese New Year tonight, so let's talk about death. We don't talk nearly as much about death as we should. So why not snuggle up to your partner this evening over a nice cup of cocoa and ask them how they'd like to be buried. You'll be really glad you did one day.


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Rev. Dr. Alan Billings 
Friday, 16 February, 2007, 08:09 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous).

Hi, Rev. Dr. Alan Billings here. UK children are unhappy and their parents don't let them ride bicycles anymore. Fortunately, lots of people still have their children baptised, which helps a great deal. We have a really big party, invite lots of guests, show off the baby and then leave them in their room with their Playstation until they're grown up. Many of you aren't Reverend Doctors; some of you aren't even ordinary doctors! That's why you need me to tell you that you're supposed to love your children. Jesus will drown you if you don't.


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Rev. Roy Jenkins 
Thursday, 15 February, 2007, 07:54 AM
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous).

Kelly Taylor wants to end her life quickly, easily and with dignity. Well just who does she think she is? It's not her life, it's God's. Just because she's in constant pain, wracked with sores and unable to do any of the things she'd like to do, she somehow thinks she's got the right to ask for an end to it! It's her duty to go on suffering and act as an inspiration for all the other people blessed with divine given chronic pain. St. Paul said it, God says it, and now I'm saying it, so it must be right.

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Dr. Mona Siddiqui 
Wednesday, 14 February, 2007, 07:02 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous).

It's St. Valentine's Day! A day of rampant, loving, commercialism that I just adore. Sure, there's lots of wars and injustice in the world, but as long as I get my roses and my choccies then everything's just tickety-boo. God's love is really big though. A hermit asked moses for an atom's worth of God's love (the hermit was quite scientifically literate for 1600 BC). "I won't give him an atom's worth," said God. "I won't give him a nucleus' worth. I won't even give him a proton's worth. I'll give him a quark's worth." And with that, God blew up the hermit's mountain and left him in a crater in the ground. That's god's love for you. Now where are my presents.

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Rt. Rev Tom Butler, Bishop of Southwark  
Tuesday, 13 February, 2007, 06:42 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous - but difficult to tell).

Taking bits out of people's speech makes it (hic!) meaningless, while pauses in a Harold Pinter play adds (hic!) meaning. Meanwhile the U.S. can't explain why Shias arm Sunnis to kill Shias (hic!), just like psalm 46 says, or was it a Bhuddist thing? Anyway, God being quiet (hic!) is a good thing. Am I making sense? (hic!).

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The Bishop of Southwark
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Older platitudes 
Monday, 12 February, 2007, 07:09 AM
Entries from the old Platitude of the Day site can be found below.

Dec 2005
Jan 2006
Feb 2006
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