Friday, 16 February, 2007, 08:09 AMRating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous).
Hi, Rev. Dr. Alan Billings here. UK children are unhappy and their parents don't let them ride bicycles anymore. Fortunately, lots of people still have their children baptised, which helps a great deal. We have a really big party, invite lots of guests, show off the baby and then leave them in their room with their Playstation until they're grown up. Many of you aren't Reverend Doctors; some of you aren't even ordinary doctors! That's why you need me to tell you that you're supposed to love your children. Jesus will drown you if you don't.
Thursday, 15 February, 2007, 07:54 AMRating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous).
Kelly Taylor wants to end her life quickly, easily and with dignity. Well just who does she think she is? It's not her life, it's God's. Just because she's in constant pain, wracked with sores and unable to do any of the things she'd like to do, she somehow thinks she's got the right to ask for an end to it! It's her duty to go on suffering and act as an inspiration for all the other people blessed with divine given chronic pain. St. Paul said it, God says it, and now I'm saying it, so it must be right.
Wednesday, 14 February, 2007, 07:02 AMRating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous).
It's St. Valentine's Day! A day of rampant, loving, commercialism that I just adore. Sure, there's lots of wars and injustice in the world, but as long as I get my roses and my choccies then everything's just tickety-boo. God's love is really big though. A hermit asked moses for an atom's worth of God's love (the hermit was quite scientifically literate for 1600 BC). "I won't give him an atom's worth," said God. "I won't give him a nucleus' worth. I won't even give him a proton's worth. I'll give him a quark's worth." And with that, God blew up the hermit's mountain and left him in a crater in the ground. That's god's love for you. Now where are my presents.
Tuesday, 13 February, 2007, 06:42 AMRating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous - but difficult to tell).
Taking bits out of people's speech makes it (hic!) meaningless, while pauses in a Harold Pinter play adds (hic!) meaning. Meanwhile the U.S. can't explain why Shias arm Sunnis to kill Shias (hic!), just like psalm 46 says, or was it a Bhuddist thing? Anyway, God being quiet (hic!) is a good thing. Am I making sense? (hic!).
The Bishop of Southwark
Monday, 12 February, 2007, 07:09 AMEntries from the old Platitude of the Day site can be found below.