Abundantly Reverend Lord Professor Bishop Baron Reverend Lord Richard Harries, Baron Pentregarth, Gresham Professor of Divinity, Baron, Bishop, Professor, Lord...  
Friday, 12 February, 2010, 09:23 AM - Morality, Harries
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

Should we torture suspected terrorists or not? How do we know they are terrorists. One way to find out is to tie them down, inflict ever increasing levels of fear and pain, and keep shouting "YOU'RE A TERRORIST. CONFESS!!!".

Some people, people who don't have a religion, think this is OK. These are people with no moral fibre, no character. They think the utilitarian argument is always right and apply it blindly without regard to the rights of the suspect. People who are Christians, such as Tony Blair and George W. Bush, for example, or even people of some other religions, Osama Bin Laden for instance, are people of character and would never consider infringing the rights of suspects under any circumstances. This is called being ethical. Clifford Longley said something similar, which just goes to show I must be right.

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Reverend Angela Tilby, Vicar of St Benet's Church, Cambridge 
Thursday, 11 February, 2010, 08:05 AM - Health, Tilby
Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous)

Hospitals in Bristol are to introduce new wrap around gowns. Yes, after decades of use and millions of patients, someone has finally realised that people in hospital would rather not wander the wards with their bottom hanging out.

This is part of the ever changing climate in the NHS, where we migrate from being mere patients to fully fledged customers, and customers generally aren't made to walk around with their bottoms hanging out. It's all about trust. We trust the hospital to cure us and they trust us to put our gowns on correctly.

No one knows whether Jesus' cures of the sick were miracles or not. I'd say there's a 50/50 chance, although personally I'm intensely sceptical about all that sort of stuff. That's why I'm a vicar. But seeing as all that curing definitely happened then obviously everyone was placing a great deal of trust in him. I mean they were trusting him that he wouldn't just take one disease away and give them something worse - these gods can be sneaky about this sort of thing.

We need to show similar trust in our doctors. We trust them to help us and they trust us to get sick.

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Akhandadhi Das, a Vaishnav Hindu teacher and theologian 
Wednesday, 10 February, 2010, 09:32 AM - Dont do bad things, Vedas, Puranas, Bhagavad Gita..., Akhandadhi Das
Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous)

Toyota are doing a big car recall. As Krishna said to Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita, "Be strong and true to yourself and tolerate not defective computerised breaking systems."

This recall is a fine, noble, honourable thing. It is the first step to rebuilding the good name of Toyota and is not to be sneered at by cynics and those who would mock virtue. This is the way Gandhi would run a car company. It puts honesty above profit, human lives above reputation. This glorious corporation, this beacon in a sea of commercial revenue, this jewelled island, this blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this car company.

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Soberingly Reverend Tom Butler, Lord Bishop of Southwark 
Tuesday, 9 February, 2010, 08:09 AM - Gibberish, Butler
Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous)

Happy Church of England shinod everyone. (Hic!) Sh'all about... 'bout... gaysh 'n wimmin 'n shtuff as usual. (Hic!) I mean whatever. Who cares? I know I don't. I jusht wish (hic!), I jusht wish they'd all jusht shtop droning on 'n on 'n on 'n on about gaysh and (hic!) wimmin. Sh'all the Americans' fault. Nice blokes though Americans (hic!) and nice wimmin. But shum people at shinod, shum people (hic!), shum people want to throw out all the cuddly toysh, they do.

D'you know what some physics bloke shaid. I'll tell you what he shaid. (Hic!) He shaid "it'sh really, really, really, (hic!) really big out there." That'sh faith for you. Ye see? Eh? We're all like a big herd of wild animals we are. Sherching for green 'n fertile land (hic!) acrosh the plains 'f 'frica. Ye see?

So I don't feel mighty shtrongly 'bout any'fin. I'm the Bishup of Shuffrock. 'Shwat I do. (Hic!)

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Clifford Longley, a distinguished Catholic person who talks a lot about religion 
Monday, 8 February, 2010, 08:40 AM - Courage, hope, perseverance etc., Morality, Longley
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

Deontology is what happens when you stop being a Catholic and think morality comes from a book of rules. Catholics' very limited set of rules, based on the catechism, centuries of canon law and the pope being infallible, is why Catholicism is so flexible on changing ethical perceptions.

MPs have mostly stopped being Catholics. That is why they don't understand that being allowed to fiddle your expenses is not the same as actually doing it. You would understand this if you had read Plato, Aristotle, the Old Testament, the New Testament and Thomas Aquinas, but as you probably haven't read Plato, Aristotle, the Old Testament, the New Testament and Thomas Aquinas, you probably haven't realised that just because something is allowed doesn't mean you can do it.

Ever since people stopped being Catholic it has become very unfashionable to talk about virtue, but virtue ethics is making a comeback. In his famous book After Virtue, the famous philosopher Alasdair MacIntyre argued that it's about time virtue ethics made a comeback. He did this after reading Plato, Aristotle, the Old Testament, the New Testament and Thomas Aquinas.

If you want to become a good, moral, person, like Catholics, then all you have to do is practise. However, this presupposes that you have some moral character in the first place. It presupposes that some external agent has imposed our morality upon us, because it's quite impossible that it evolved naturally as it did in all other social animals. And this is my clinching argument. The only other possible source for our morality is my Invisible Magic Friend. This is the kind of incisive, conclusive argument that comes from a life of reading Plato, Aristotle, the Old Testament, the New Testament and Thomas Aquinas.

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5 comments ( 906 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3.1 / 192 )

Sir Mota Singh 
Monday, 8 February, 2010, 06:47 AM - Not TFTD
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

As Britain's first Sikh judge, I'd like to speak out in favour of Sikhs wearing their ceremonial bangles to school. You see, Sikhs are special and should not be bound by the same rules and laws as ordinary people. You should change your regulations, where appropriate, to do things our way, for ours is the only true, right way. This principle was acknowledged when Sikhs were permitted to wear turbans as part of their police uniform. It is now accepted that being a Sikh constitutes a valid exception to any restriction, regardless of the grounds on which it was devised.

Similarly, although we fully understand and appreciate the reasons for banning knives in schools, such trifling considerations should not apply to us. As everyone knows, Sikhs are religious people and religious people know right from wrong. We're better than the rest of you and can be trusted to carry our knives, which are after all religious knives, without threat to anyone else. Banning our knives is very wrong of you. This is probably due to your lack of education and failure to realise that your rules do not apply to Sikhs. Has no one explained to you that a Sikh will drop dead of an incurable illness if not allowed to carry our traditional weapons?

Unlike so many other, wrong, religions, Sikhism is a religion that doesn't burden itself with unnecessary symbolic clutter. You are not required to accommodate the bizarre traditions of all those other religions, just ours.

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Brian Draper, associate lecturer at the London Institute for Contemporary Christianity  
Saturday, 6 February, 2010, 08:20 AM - Courage, hope, perseverance etc., Draper
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

Brian here, in Southampton, an associate lecturer at the London Institute for Contemporary Christianity where we envision and equip Christians, and the leaders, churches and organisations that serve them, with the biblical framework, practical resources and models to engage biblically, relevantly and vigorously with the issues they face in today’s world. Hi.

Gerry Adams is a transcendent inspirational leader. MPs are not transcendent inspirational leaders. The England football captain is also not a transcendent inspirational leader.

Clint Eastwood, a transcendent inspirational actor and director, has got a new film out: Invictus. This tells the story of a transcendent inspirational sporting captain: François Pienaar. He was inspired by the second most transcendent inspirational leader of them all: Nelson Mandela.

The most transcendent inspirational leader of them all was of course Jesus, the visible bit of the Invisible Magic Friend. He brought the good news, "I've arrived, I've arrived! I'm finally here. Everything's just gonna be hunky-dory from now on." And everything has indeed been hunky-dory from then on.

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Rev Canon Dr Alan Billings, an Anglican priest 
Friday, 5 February, 2010, 07:59 AM - Materialism, Billings
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

You all thought you could continue with infinite consumption. You maxed out on credit cards, car loans and huge mortgages on dream homes. You stopped going to church and went to Homebase instead, ignoring the commandment to keep the Sabbath. You thought the market and materialism was all there was to life. You'd forgotten about the really important things in life: family, friends, religion. Typical Radio 4 listeners.

Well now you're stuck aren't you? Overloaded with debt, unemployed, struggling on benefits. I don't like to say I told you so, but I did tell you so. Over and over and over again I warned you about the false god of unrestrained materialism, but you didn't pay any attention to me. As a Rev Canon Dr and an Anglican priest, let me just assure you that I'm doing alright in the recession. Vicars are never unemployed, which just goes to show the benefits of all those spiritual values of mine. I even got a new car out of the car scrappage scheme, thus ensuring gainful employment for car makers in Germany.

And Bankers? Don't talk to me about bankers. They should run their businesses the way Jesus would. He said to give loans to small businesses and then not ask for the money back. That's the way to run a bank.

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5 comments ( 826 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3.2 / 186 )

Protest the pope 
Friday, 5 February, 2010, 07:41 AM
A Number 10 petition:

http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/ProtestthePope/
1 comment ( 350 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3.1 / 158 )

Reverend Angela Tilby, Vicar of St Benet's Church, Cambridge 
Thursday, 4 February, 2010, 08:40 AM - Lessons of history, Tilby
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

It's the end of civilisation as we know it. America can no longer afford to return to the moon. The money is needed to sustain bankers' bonuses instead. Nobody can afford to go to the moon any longer (except China).

When the Roman Empire fell 1600 years ago, it was Christianity that held Europe together, thus giving the world music, architecture, literature, religion, philosophy, politics and science, that would otherwise have been lost everywhere (except China). All civilisations eventually fall (except China), so the West must eventually fall too. Saint Augustine the Hippo, who was living in Algeria, which together with modern day Morocco, Tunisia, Libya, Egypt, Israel, Lebanon, Syria, Turkey, Greece, Bulgaria, Albania, Romania, Serbia, Bosnia, Macedonia and Croatia, was one of the few remaining remnants of that shattered empire, knew that all civilisations eventually fall (except China).

"All civilisations fall," he said (except China). But never fear, not all things are as transient and fleeting as human civilisation (except China). The Kingdom of the Invisible Magic Friend (everyone knows that the only proper form of government is an absolute monarchy) will last even longer than China and all you have to do to get in is believe in it. Yes, that's it! Just click your heels three times and say "I believe Invisible Magic Friend, I believe!" This is called being knowledgeable and wise.

Of course, if you don't believe what I'm telling you, if you don't have faith that the Kingdom of the Invisible Magic Friend will last longer than China, then that makes you a rotter, an atheist, probably some sort of communist sympathiser and you'll have to go to the other place.

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