Rev Dr. (hon. Kingston) Dr. (hon. St. Andrews) Joel Edwards, International Director of Micah Challenge, Human Rights Commissioner, Council Member of the Tony Blair Faith Foundation  
Saturday, 19 February, 2011, 08:58 AM - Gibberish, Invisible magic stuff, Science, Edwards
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

Is your GPS playing up lately? That's because of the recent coronal mass ejection from the sun. It's something to do with sunspots and the sun reaching it's "maximum", which sounds kinda cool. Anyway, the sun's been throwing billions of tons of whatever it is it's made of, out into the solar system. And it's done it before. In 1989 it blew out the power systems in Quebec. It's all very fascinating and awe inspiring and complicated and stuff, but I'm only a simple country Rev Dr Dr and I don't really understand it, so I'm going to talk about something else instead.

Amongst the other things I don't understand is the Invisible Magic Friend, which is why I've been invited on here as an expert to talk about him. I don't comprehend what he is in the crucible of his own being. He makes the sun shine and is even bigger and brighter and lovelier than the sun, and as majestic and powerful and awesome. If you ever came close to the Invisible Magic Friend that I don't know anything about, you'd be blasted away by the raw energy of him. He's so loving and really, really big and full of justice and you wouldn't want to be around when he does an ejection.

We've got hymns to him that explain how immortal and invisible and incomprehensible he is and an entire Big Book of Magic Stuff to explain how we don't understand him.

Isn't the Invisible Magic Friend that we don't understand just fantastic! Now that's reality.

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Rev Dr. (hon. Kingston) Dr. (hon. St. Andrews) Joel Edwards, International Director of Micah Challenge, Human Rights Commissioner, Council Member of the Tony Blair Faith Foundation  
Saturday, 12 February, 2011, 08:24 AM - Democracy, Edwards
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

The people of Egypt have spoken. A dictator who ruled for life and would probably have passed power to his son, is now gone. At last, the people of Egypt might taste the fruits of democracy.

This is exactly what the people of Israel did when they got rid of the Judges. Fed up with generations of having the best person for the job run the country, they demanded a proper hereditary dictatorship like every other country had.

But the events in Egypt aren't just of religious significance, they're terribly spiritual events too. You have no idea how very spiritual it all is. The Egyptian people are a very spiritual people. I know, I've spoken to all of them and they all said how very spiritual they were [Ed - they have no choice]. In fact, I wouldn't be at all surprised if it wasn't their very spiritualness that caused them to get rid of Mubarak. That's how very useful being spiritual is.

Like you, I am praying for the people of Egypt. Let's pray that they go on being so very spiritual.

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Rev Dr. (hon. Kingston) Dr. (hon. St. Andrews) Joel Edwards, International Director of Micah Challenge, Human Rights Commissioner, Council Member of the Tony Blair Faith Foundation  
Thursday, 14 October, 2010, 07:18 AM - Faith, Edwards
Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

Yesterday, 33 people of faith were saved from being entombed underground. They were full of faith when they went down the mine two months ago. Their faith didn't escape when the rockfall began and they first realised the terrible danger they were in. For the first 17 days, when only they knew they were alive, they kept their faith. Then, when they first made contact with the outside world, they still had their faith with them. Throughout the long, dark days that followed, they didn't lose their faith. Yesterday, when they were finally rescued, they announced that they still had their faith! Oh joy!

But wait, DANGER, DANGER faith people! You have survived adversity and kept your faith. Now you face the greatest danger of all. Now that you are alive and in good health, do not allow fame, attention and wealth to cause you to lose your faith. Think how terrible that would be. As Solomon wisely said, "A lot of people get very full of themselves." This might cause you to think that human courage, camaraderie, perseverance and ingenuity is what has saved you, rather than faith.

I am so overjoyed that faith has triumphed once again. Of course most of you belong to the Catholic faith, which is not quite the right faith, so I won't be joining you in it.

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Rev Dr. (hon. Kingston) Dr. (hon. St. Andrews) Joel Edwards, International Director of Micah Challenge, Human Rights Commissioner, Council Member of the Tony Blair Faith Foundation  
Friday, 8 October, 2010, 07:52 AM - Be nice, Edwards
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

Desmond Tutu is retiring. Tutu is a man of great moral courage, humility and conscience. His uncompromising opposition to apartheid, his international campaigning and his running of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission mark him out as one of the great inspirational leaders of our times.

Above all else he is a Christian, which just goes to show how fantastic we Christians are. If he hadn't been a Christian, I expect he'd have thought apartheid and other injustices were OK and he just wouldn't have bothered to say anything about them. Of course many Christians would disagree with him on issues such you-know-what. Not all Christians are as broad minded and tolerant as he is.

As it says in the Book of Micah I will make Samaria a heap of rubble. This is a comprehensive view of life which presents a seamlessness between personal piety and public duty. Turning other societies into a heap of rubble is indispensable for the well being of any society. This just goes to show how the morals of Desmond Tutu are inspired by the big Book of Magic Stuff.

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Rev Dr. (hon. Kingston) Dr. (hon. St. Andrews) Joel Edwards, International Director of Micah Challenge, Human Rights Commissioner, Council Member of the Tony Blair Faith Foundation  
Thursday, 22 July, 2010, 08:24 AM - Health, Edwards
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

Depression is a bad thing. And it's not just me that thinks so, scientists think so as well. Thankfully, depressed people can be very creative, so we can all enjoy the benefits of their gloomy moods. In the arts, entertainment and philosophy, some of our greatest works have come from people bordering on the edge of suicide. That's why depression is such a good thing. Even people who aren't depressed themselves have written some jolly good dramas about those who are, thus providing us all with endless hours of entertainment.

One in five of you will suffer depression at some point in your life. It will be thoroughly unpleasant both for you and anyone who comes in contact with you, but on the positive side, a very small number of you will write a fantastic sonnet or record a really, really sad, depressing, miserable, but very good song. Perhaps even as good as one by Elton John.

If you're feeling a bit under a cloud, then you're in really good company. It doesn't actually say anywhere that the prophet Jeremiah (who really was the best prophet there ever was) suffered from clinical depression, but I suspect the Babylonian captivity left him a bit down. Elijah got a bit depressed from time to time. He'd cheer himself up by slaughtering a few rival prophets from another, not so good, Invisible Magic Friend, or having some bears maul some kids for shouting "Up yours baldy".

Finally there was King David, a hero to people of all faiths including Hindus, Sikhs and Buddhists. Even people of no faith are always saying, "Gee, wasn't Kind David just brilliant? That guy really knew how to deal with a bit of depression."

So don't just think about the down side of feeling depressed. Think of all the good things that come out of it as well.

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Rev Dr. (hon. Kingston) Dr. (hon. St. Andrews) Joel Edwards, International Director of Micah Challenge, Human Rights Commissioner, Council Member of the Tony Blair Faith Foundation  
Thursday, 15 July, 2010, 07:22 AM - Courage, hope, perseverance etc., Edwards
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

Raoul Moat did some very bad things. He shot his ex-girlfriend. That was a bad thing. Then he shot and killed her new boyfriend. That was a bad thing too. Then he shot and blinded PC Rathbone. That also was a bad thing.

There's a Facebook page for admirers of Raoul Moat. That is a bad thing. Moat's brother blames the police. If that turns into bitterness and resentment then that will be a bad thing. Bitterness and resentment are bad things.

However, PC Rathbone shows no malice towards Moat and that is a good thing. Showing no malice and not being filled with bitterness and resentment is a good thing. I have no idea whether PC Rathbone is a Christian or not. He's showing no malice and isn't filled with bitterness and resentment, so he's certainly behaving like a Christian. He hasn't actually said anywhere that he's a Christian but that might just be him being modest. Being modest is another thing that Christians do a lot. PC Rathbone is also a family man, which Christians tend to be as well. So I'd say there's a good chance he's probably a Christian, what with all this Christian behaviour.

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Rev Dr. (hon. Kingston) Dr. (hon. St. Andrews) Joel Edwards, International Director of Micah Challenge, Human Rights Commissioner, Council Member of the Tony Blair Faith Foundation 
Thursday, 8 July, 2010, 07:04 AM - Women, Edwards
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

It's terrifying! Women are becoming the majority of the workforce. They're taking over businesses. In China, the proportion of businesses run by women almost matches their proportion of the population. No wonder China's such a miserable business failure! They're getting better academic qualifications too.

But don't worry gentlemen, we're still not allowing women to do the really important jobs. Governments and the judiciary remain firm bastions of male dominance, so women need not worry their pretty little heads about them. Just look what happened when Cherie Blair was allowed to do some judging! Even where women are allowed to work, we make sure they only get paid about 80% what a man gets paid.

I think Saint Paul summed all this up nicely. When he said "Wives, submit to your husbands" we're obviously not meant to take that literally. I think what he was clearly trying to say was, men and women should be equals and men shouldn't beat women up when they get angry.

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Rev Dr. (hon. Kingston) Dr. (hon. St. Andrews) Joel Edwards, International Director of Micah Challenge, Human Rights Commissioner, Council Member of the Tony Blair Faith Foundation 
Thursday, 8 April, 2010, 07:45 AM - Christian persecution, Edwards
Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

The evil forces of international secularism are cruelly oppressing we Christians yet again. The nurse, Shirley Chaplin, has been told she cannot be a Christian and remain a nurse. Her only crime was to wear a three foot tall, flashing, neon cross on her head. She brought comfort to her patients by hosing them with holy water, burning incense, and introducing 24 hour evangelical choirs to pray for divine intervention. Her reward? To be treated like some sort of superstitious loony and wickedly banned from her profession by health and safety fascists.

Then there was the case of the devout Christian bed and breakfast owners, Susanne and Francis Wilkinson. The Wilkinsons were cruelly asked by a homosexual couple if they could stay the night. As a human rights commissioner, I have to ask, have these homosexuals no shame? Why would they do such a thing? Do they not realise that by staying in a Christian B&B they would defile and desecrate that holy place, forcing the owners to reject the message of love of their Lord Jesus?

Does this satanic government not realise that we have the right to proselytise in the workplace? That we have the right to deny goods and services on the basis of our prejudices? How can society fail to realise that we are doing this for your own good, bringing you good, decent, holy, Christian values?

I wish to make it absolutely clear that I have no strong opinions on this subject. It is my duty to be completely objective and not take sides. I simply wish to mention the tale of Daniel who remained true to the faith of his people in the face of wicked and unjust laws. It just goes to show that it was ever thus, we good people of the Invisible Magic Friend, persecuted by the forces of darkness, cast into scorching furnaces, daily made to tread the lions' den. Oh, how we have to suffer!

Just because we think we should be exempt from the law, is no reason for this intolerance of Christianity. After all, it's not like we exaggerate the extent of our suffering or demand opt outs on a daily basis.

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Rev Dr. (hon. Kingston) Dr. (hon. St. Andrews) Joel Edwards, International Director of Micah Challenge, Human Rights Commissioner, Council Member of the Tony Blair Faith Foundation 
Friday, 19 March, 2010, 08:05 AM - Edwards
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

It all looks very bad for Christianity. "Pray for me," says the cardinal who made two young boys sign vows of silence over church sex abuse. As sex abuse cases surface in America, Ireland, the UK, Germany, Australia, Mexico, Italy and just about everywhere else, some are beginning to doubt the veracity of our claims to moral leadership. As a Rev Dr Dr, let me just assure you that none of that stuff matters. We're still right. A Christian bishop agrees with me, so it must be true.

As always, it is we poor Christians who are the true victims here. Alas it was always so, a Church persecuted and besieged by the heathen hordes who do not want to hear our message of love, compassion and toleration (except for you-know-who of course). As I, and other Christian leaders were shown around the Houses of Parliament, I explained to parliamentarians just how marginalised and neglected we are. Oh, how we have to suffer! There are even some schools left that are not being run by us.

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Rev Dr. (hon. Kingston) Dr. (hon. St. Andrews) Joel Edwards, the international director of Micah Challenge 
Tuesday, 26 January, 2010, 08:49 AM - Democracy, Edwards
Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

Amidst its first post civil war elections, tension is mounting among the majority Buddhists about the role of the minority Hindus in Sri Lanka society. Meanwhile, amidst postponed elections in Afghanistan, tension is mounting between the fanatical religious extremists, the Taliban, and the slightly less fanatical religious extremists that constitute the remainder of the population. Meanwhile, amidst power sharing problems in Northern Ireland, tension is mounting between Catholics and Protestants.

Some foolish, naive people, who aren't even Rev Dr Drs, might conclude that religion has a corrosive effect on the democratic process. Nothing could be further from the truth as centuries of history throughout the world ably demonstrates. The isolated examples above are simply the exceptions that prove the rule. True religion, my religion, is a big fan of democracy and always has been. Even today, Christianity continues to press for democratic reform of the House of Lords and the removal of the privileged position of the bishops.

True religion, my religion, has a long democratic tradition. When the people of Israel demanded a king, the Invisible Magic Friend dissuaded them. He told them to form a constitutional convention to establish checks and balances between the executive, the legislature and the judiciary and to agree a fair system for free and regular elections, thus banishing theocracy and hereditary monarchy from Israel forever.

So we should welcome the role of religion in bringing democracy to the world. If only Sri Lanka, Afghanistan and Northern Ireland would embrace true religion, my religion, then they too would benefit from the peaceful democratic values that true religion has given us.

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