Oliver McTernan 
Wednesday, 14 March, 2007, 08:01 AM
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous).

David Lodge's book How Far Can You Go is a book about Catholic morality, i.e. sex. But being moral also involves being environmental. The bible says this, therefore it's true, even though we've only just noticed. This means we all have to stop flying and start cycling to work, except me. I work for Forward Thinking. For us to fix the Middle East and Africa I just have to fly a lot. So you lot don't have to think about being environmental, but people like me now have to struggle with our consciences.

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Dr. Indarjit Singh 
Tuesday, 13 March, 2007, 11:33 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous).

I was at the yesterday's Commonwealth Service in Westminster Abbey (Shilpa Shetty got invited too, as did the queen. In fact, everyone important was there). We've all got to learn to get along and respect one another. That's what the Gurus said. Most religions say something like that. I expect this'll be news to people without a religion. Our 9th Guru got killed trying to protect one religious lot from killing a different one, so you can see that religion really helps when it comes to respecting one another.

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Clifford Longley 
Monday, 12 March, 2007, 07:45 AM
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous).

Modern celebrities are just rubbish. Nothing more than insubstantial fashion icons. God, they're just hopeless aren't they? Celebrities from the past were much better, like 19th century generals. Now there were some proper celebrities, making the world a better place. But people nowadays don't seem to pay any attention to the past and this is Christianity's trouble. That's why people don't listen to Jesus any more, who existed 2,000 years ago and was definitely God. It's nothing to do with religion being a morally outdated, male dominated, hierachical social control structure.

Humans are like a pack of dogs - we all need a top dog to look up to, and Jesus is the one for me. The world wouldn't be where it is today without Jesus. Mark my words, people will listen to him again one day, once they've figured out how trashy modern celebs are.

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Brian Draper 
Saturday, 10 March, 2007, 11:29 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous).

I was recently a guest of a prison chaplain where I sat in on a muderer's apology for his crime. He spoke of his realisation that he had many victims: families, communities, medical staff; not just the person he had killed. Perhaps he was on his way to some form of restitution for his crime. The Lord Chief Justice thinks reformed murderers should be let out, but Moses disagreed: an eye for an eye. And Jesus says we'll get roasted just for thinking about poking someone in the eye.


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Rhidian Brook 
Friday, 9 March, 2007, 07:30 AM
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous).

Peter Kay says in his book that he believes in God because he finds that thought comforting. Richard Dawkins, being a silly atheist, thinks this isn't a very good reason. Even while God was busy torturing Job for a bet, it was Job's faith that got him through. Unfortunately, Peter Kay doesn't think Jesus was God. Phew - what a loony! Jesus must be God, because I believe it and find it comforting, so it must be true.

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Rev. Angela Tilby 
Thursday, 8 March, 2007, 07:58 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous).

Naomi Campbell is to mop floors for throwing a phone at her maid. Hopefully she'll spend the time reflecting on how she'll return to dust some day. But haven't we all wanted to throw things at our maids from time to time? This is caused by personal demons, so it's a spiritual thing. We can defeat demons by being humble.

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Oliver McTernan 
Wednesday, 7 March, 2007, 07:39 AM
Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous).

The University of California has shown that ethnic friction turns to violence when religion is at the heart of the problem. So clearly secular politics is to blame. The same is happening here, where politicians insist on only talking to "moderate" muslims. No wonder the fundamentalists feel left out and turn to violence. We should be talking to the gay-bashing, misogynistic, caliphate loving, theocratic, intolerant, book burning variety of muslim. After all fundamentalist religion is the true religion. The book of Revelation tells us we should all be fundamentalists.

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Dr. Indarjit Singh 
Tuesday, 6 March, 2007, 07:58 AM
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous).

Hindus have just finished the festival of Holi, where they celebrate Spring by throwing water and coloured flowers about. Sikhs follow this with Hola, where we have sword fights and things. Hindus and Muslims opposed the rise of Sikhism because we believe in justice, equality and minimum force, and they don't. I don't want to generalise, but the West is just the same. Even an Anglican bishop, who speaks for every moderate in the West, thinks its OK to bomb Iran (which is a country where there is more than one opinion).

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Clifford Longley 
Monday, 5 March, 2007, 07:42 AM
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous).

I watched the very nice eclipse of the moon on Saturday. (This was the real moon, and not the ecclesiastical moon that we use to predict Easter.) Those clever scientists' mathematical predictions turned out to be absolutely correct. Primitive people, who weren't as clever as we are, would probably have ascribed this to some divine act, but nowadays we know better than to explain the unknown by invoking God.

Some scientists are bad though. They're called biologists and they're all atheists. Looking down a microscope and figuring out how life works does this to them. Astronomers, who are nice scientists, look through telescopes and give us the Big Bang, but they don't know what caused it. I do, it's called God. So Intelligent Design, which isn't proper science, is right after all.

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Brian Draper 
Saturday, 3 March, 2007, 11:34 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous).

Hi. Brian Draper, lecturer at the London Institute for Contemporary Christianity here. I've got a friend on a six figure salary, which I'm jealous of because I think I'm worth as much as him. Jesus, the greatest merchant banker of them all, told us to invest our money wisely and make a good profit, so I'm obviously not doing things properly. As someone who isn't on a six figure salary, I'd just like to say that money isn't everything, and that Jesus was probably talking about God's investment in us. So remember, use your talents to the full in life, not because that makes perfect sense, but because otherwise Jesus'll get you.

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