John Bell of the Iona Community 
Friday, 13 April, 2007, 07:58 AM
Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous).

When I was young, a man in our street abused his daughter. He went to prison and when he returned, no one felt the need to warn the children in the street. Everyone knew him. They also knew that most abusers are family members. You can't help wondering if some of those who shout so loud for the unmasking of paedophiles "doth protest too much". Maybe they have a guilty desire that they want to hide. When Jesus encouraged the stoning of an adulterer by asking those without sin to throw the first stone, he revealed their hypocrisy. With sex used to sell everything from soap to cars, is it any surprise that some suggestible individuals turn fantasy into crime.

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Right Awful Anne Atkins 
Thursday, 12 April, 2007, 08:30 AM
Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous).

Natalie Evans' babies are being murdered by the government and by her evil ex-boyfriend. He seems to think that, just beceause his sperm was used, that this somehow gives him the right to decide whether to become a father or not.

The government is also forcing the Catholic church to shut all its adoption agencies, when everyone knows it's far better to leave children in a home than give them to a gay couple.

Lone parents are responsible for the fall of our civilisation. Rising crime, drug addiction, loss of respect for important people, like me; it's all the fault of lone parents. I'm not bigoted, but it's about time you all started getting married, staying married, and living your lives they way we believers tell you to!

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Vishvapani (a much nicer name than Simon Blomfield) 
Wednesday, 11 April, 2007, 11:10 AM
Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous).

The Cambodian peace activist Maha Ghosananda said that if you look after the present the future will look after itself. Iran is looking after its present. Whether it's only nuclear ambition is to warm Iranian homes or to warm the whole middle east remains to be seen.

It's all down to intentions. This is what kharma is: the future depends on the present. This is something that you come to realise after years of profound study and intense meditation. If they intend to build nuclear weapons then we can only find this out if they are honest with us. Our politicians need to be honest too. That way we can all understand what everyone intends to do.

So as you can see, if we were all honest with each other, we would know each others intentions and therefore we would know how the present informs the future. You see?

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Jonathan Bartley  
Tuesday, 10 April, 2007, 07:43 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous - I think - difficult to know what he's talking about).

Jonathan Bartley here, Director of Ekklesia, a think-tank that promotes transformative theological ideas in public life, and therefore very important.

The eminent theologian, Walter Wink says that all stories have goodies and badies. Then a hero comes along and kills the badies so that the goodies win. This is true of all fairy tales. We've just seen the badies, the Iranians, capture some goodies, the Brits. Except the hero was a badie this time, or is he a goodie? Anyway, the Ministry of Defence let the released goodies sell their story, which makes them badies, so they've changed their minds to make themselves goodies again. Anyway, Jesus was the hero of the Christian story, which has goodies and badies and is definitely not a fairy tale.

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Rev. Dr. Colin Morris 
Monday, 9 April, 2007, 08:13 AM
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous).

Jesus tried persuasion against the Roman Empire, but in that case it didn't work and they crucified him anyway. When our brave British service personnel were captured by the evil Iranians, our government could've nuked Tehran. Although this would undoubtedly have killed our people, it would certainly have taught the Iranians a lesson. However, our government wisely used persuasion. With unparalleled skill and through sheer force of logic, they persuaded Iran that images of our men and women playing chess on TV was punishment enough. They should be released with some nice Iranian suits, a handshake from president Ahmadinejad and a goody bag of presents for the trip home.

Robert Ingersol, an evil atheist, used to curse god, take out his pocket watch and wait five minutes for retribution. Silly man. God doesn't hand out retribution on demand! He bides his time then sends you to hell for all eternity. So who gets the last laugh then Ingersoll, eh?

So as we remember Jesus' triumph of persuasion over force, the motto is: bide your time, they'll get there's eventually.

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Canon David Winter 
Saturday, 7 April, 2007, 07:55 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous, but incredibly tedious, unimaginative and dogmatic).

Jesus died on the cross on Friday. We know this because we have thousands of affidavits from eye-witnesses. Then Jesus got buried, but sometime during Saturday he rose from the dead. We know this because the bible says so and because I'm telling you. Anyone who says otherwise is just a doubting Thomas (evidence - bah!). Christians then took over the Roman Empire.

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My very own Easter story 
Friday, 6 April, 2007, 10:36 AM
A little story to while away a few minutes this weekend.
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Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Rowan Williams 
Friday, 6 April, 2007, 08:18 AM
Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous).

It's Good Friday. So instead of some ordinary, second rate Christian giving you your Thought For the Day, you get me, the top primate of the worldwide Anglican Communion. Thanks to the Apostolic Succession, I possess all the authority of St. Peter, and therefore God. And I'm a doctor as well.

Those clever scientists at Imperial College can nearly grow a new heart. I'm now going to switch context by skillfully playing on the double meaning of the word "heart": they can grow a new one but they still can't mend a broken one (ha, ha, get it!). That's where God (i.e. me, a doctor) comes in. So religion once again proves itself to be so much more useful than science.

God (i.e. me, a doctor) is where all the nice bits of human nature comes from. All the nasty bits are your own. Jesus suffered terribly on the cross. Lots of people suffer. God (i.e me, a doctor) suffers terribly, thinking about all that suffering.

So there you go. I'm sure you found that useful and will have a much more fulfilled Good Friday as a result. May God (i.e me, a doctor) go with you.

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Fantastically Reverend James Jones 
Thursday, 5 April, 2007, 10:14 AM
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous).

Aren't muslims just wonderful. I know, some of my best friends are muslim. You won't catch them sitting around listening to God being mocked. They're out there, on the streets, demanding death to the blasphemer. Wonderful stuff.

We Christians, on the other hand, are used to Christ being mocked. That's why you wont find me giving publicity to Jerry Springer the Opera by mentioning it on air. Because you don't believe in Jesus, your are filled with nasty, vicious hatred for Him. You spend all day going around mocking and despising Him. You're every bit as bad as the ones that nailed Him to a cross in the first place. But Jesus still loves you, and as a morally superior being, so do I.

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The Rev. Rosemary Lain-Priestley 
Wednesday, 4 April, 2007, 07:40 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous).

We can't always do everything we want. I have to choose whether to wear a red or a blue hat - I can't do both. By choosing red I have to sacrifice blue and in doing so, must forever wonder how my life would've changed if only I'd worn blue. The British seamen and woman being held hostage by the evil Iranians, must be wondering how life would be for them if they hadn't sacrificed being insurance salesmen and women.

Naturally, all this talk of sacrifice is only an excuse so that I can talk about Jesus on the cross. I mean, what else is there to talk about in this particularly holy week? So I'll trot out all the usual stuff about fishermen abandoning their families to follow Jesus. When you make a sacrifice, either of the burnt animal variety so beloved of YAHWEH, or of the choosing hat variety, it's really, really important that you choose the one YAHWEH wants.

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