Rev Dr Dr Prof David Wilkinson, Principal of St John's College Durham 
Tuesday, 24 April, 2012, 08:30 AM - Politics, Wilkinson
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

Should we have an elected Lords? Parliamentarians say mostly, although some say a little bit and some say not at all. Some said we should ask the people whether the people should choose the Lords, and some said we shouldn't ask the people whether we should ask the people to choose the Lords. David Cameron isn't sure whether we should ask the people to ask the people to choose the Lords and would rather just wait and see what way the wind's blowing on this one.

And will an elected House of Lords do what the elected House of Commons tells it to? Or will they think that because they're elected, they've got just as much right not to do what the House of Commons tells it to? The current House of Lords is filled with experts on all sorts of things, like theology. They are the nation's wise ones.

But what does it mean to be wise? Surprisingly, just being a bishop or even a professor, does not necessarily make you wise. The Invisible Magic Friend's Big Book of Magic stuff says that fear of him is the beginning of wisdom. Indeed, given his reputation for capriciousness, smiting, vengefulness, favouritism and genocide, regular doses of praise, obeisance and all round flattery might well be considered wise.

There's also wisdom in humility. As a Rev Dr Dr Prof, let me just assure you that humbleness is a sure fire indicator of wisdom. Saint Paul said so too. He said wisdom was the life, death and resurrection of the visible bit of the Invisible Magic Friend, which if you think about it, actually means there is wisdom in humility.

So do you really want to elect people to the Lords who want to be elected in order to take power? Wouldn't you prefer Lords who are the humble servants of the people elected to take power?

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Clifford Longley, a distinguished Catholic gentleman who talks a lot about religion 
Monday, 23 April, 2012, 08:34 AM - Sex, Longley
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

Was Jesus gay? Rev Paul Oestreicher, a gentleman almost as distinguished as oneself, says yes. On the other hand, Matthew Parris says there's no such thing as gayness, and he should know because he is one, so Jesus can't be.

Some Church of England clergy think the CofE should go all out and embrace gayness. Other well known religions have still not fully embraced gayness, a tendency that no amount of camp outfitting seems to help with.

The CofE has a particular problem with gayness. Jews, Muslims and we Catholics can say what we like about gayness. Our religions can do everything they like to prevent gayness and can discriminate and persecute gayness to our hearts' content. The CofE, as the established church, might have to start being nice to gays. This would seem like a really good reason to become disestablished. Then, using proper Christian theology, they can be as horrible as they like about gayness too.

What's really important here is not things like human rights, equality and personal happiness or fulfilment, the question is, what does the Invisible Magic Friend think about gayness?

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Brian Draper, London Institute for Contemporary Christianity  
Saturday, 21 April, 2012, 09:56 AM - Life after death, Draper
Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous)

Brian here, in Southampton, an associate lecturer at the London Institute for Contemporary Christianity where we envision and equip Christians and their churches for whole-life missionary discipleship in the world, seek to serve them with biblical frameworks, practical resources, training and models so that they flourish as followers of Jesus and grow as whole-life disciple making communities. Hi.

What do we Christians think of death? Nothing really. We just pass over to a different form of life where we live forever in Happy La-La land, smiling and praising the Invisible Magic Friend for not burning us all in hell for all eternity for not praising him enough. So we've got no worries about death. No concerns at all. Can't wait for it actually.

But you lot have to seriously consider the possibility that your existence will come to an end one day. I can't think of anything interesting to say so I'll just go over Lord Gould's Lessons From the Death Zone. Obviously I can't show you a You-Tube video on Thought For The Day but I can quote extensively from it.

"In six weeks I will be dead."
"This is an extraordinary experience."
"It's only when they say you're going to die, get used to it. It's only when that happens that life screams at you in it's intensity."

Another dying man at a hospice, spoke of challenging our assumptions, giving, needing, dreaming, laughing, loving.

A famous poet said something interesting about death too. In fact, it seems almost everyone except the Christian faith has got something relevant to say about death.

So whether you believe in Happy La-La land or not, the message is: live life for the moment.

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5 comments ( 1012 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 177 )

Request to sign a Victim Support petition 
Friday, 20 April, 2012, 03:09 PM - Not TFTD
As many of you will know, the government is creating elected police commissioners soon. One of their new responsibilities will be the purchase of help for victims of crime and help for witnesses at court. This funding is currently provided centrally to the Victim Support charity.

This will mean duplication of essential services between commissioning areas leading to higher cost and lower efficiency. There'll be less communication across the victim support service as a whole, leading to gradual fragmentation of the service and perhaps to a postcode lottery in standards. Worst of all, the funding of victim and witness services will become subject to the vagaries of local politics.

I'd like to ask you to sign this e-petition, asking the government to reconsider this role of elected police commissioners and if possible, help to spread the word.

More information in the comments section.
3 comments ( 824 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 2.9 / 156 )

Right Awful Anne Atkins - Agonising Aunt and Vicar's Wife  
Friday, 20 April, 2012, 08:33 AM - Women, Atkins
Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

It's a very womanly thing to do, to speak as one woman, or in this case two women, to another, urging Asma Assad to stop the violence in Syria.

We women have always focused on individuals. I won't bore you with any Shakespeare this morning but will entertain you instead with the other benefits from my classical education. In the New Tasty mint of the Big Book of Magic Stuff, it is Pilate's wife who warms him against condemning an innocent man. This story is every bit as real as Lysistrata or Calpurnia. Oops, some Shakespeare popped up accidentally after all. Silly me, I just can't help myself.

Anyway, classical allusions done, it's now time to imagine a young, hot, passionate Anne Atkins, lately married, gaily frolicking in the summer sun, sweating profusely as my manly husband thrusts his way through his conjugal rights, both of us panting heavily until we cry out in an ecstatic climax. Then, nine months later, lying there, legs akimbo, enduring the pain of labour as the head of my first infant child emerges, ready to suck upon the teat of my lactating nipple.

Enjoy your breakfast.

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11 comments ( 1194 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3.1 / 172 )

Shocking, scandalous truth 
Friday, 20 April, 2012, 05:37 AM - Not TFTD
P.Z. Myers can deny it all he likes but the internet, like the Daily Mail, doesn't lie. Previously known as a respectable biology professor and atheist blogger, he has had his scandalous double life exposed. Shamefully, he is in fact a secret pointy hat wearer!!!



2 comments ( 512 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 113 )

The Chief Rabbi, Lord Jonathan Sacks, Baron Aldgate 
Thursday, 19 April, 2012, 08:01 AM - Sacks
Rating 1 out of 5 (Not platitudinous)

Lord Sacks' reflections on Yom Hashoah, the jewish Holocaust memorial day. He points to rising anti-semitism in Europe and warns that hatred can be directed at any minority group.

A parody wouldn't be appropriate.

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8 comments ( 985 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 152 )

Shaikh Abdal Hakim Murad, Muslim Chaplain Cambridge University (the Shaikh formerly known as Tim Winter) 
Wednesday, 18 April, 2012, 08:29 AM - Interfaith, Murad
Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

And now for an insight into the headlines from a faith perspective: I've been to Indonesia you know? I visited this really bizarre temple where all sorts of loopy religions were practised as well as the only sensible one.

Britain is only just coming to terms with multi-faith prayer rooms. Blackburn Rovers have commendably turned one of their toilet blocks into a multi-faith prayer room. There, at half time, if the Rovers aren't doing too well, devout Methodists and Druids can pop in for a quick prayer to the Invisible Magic Friend.

Other football clubs have not yet been so enlightened, but give it time. Meanwhile multi-faith prayer rooms are appearing everywhere. They are places where people of all faiths come together in peace and harmony to worship their own Invisible Magic Friend, or, in the case of particularly wrong religions, friends.

The issue of what decorations, books and other religious paraphernalia should decorate these multi-faith prayer rooms, which welcome people of all faiths - no, honestly, they do - is one that has to be decided by someone. The question is who should decide this? The answer of course is that the correct religion should!

I find this all tremendously encouraging. It just goes to show the fantastic growth of all faiths in this country. Above all it should not simply be taken as a sign that motorway service stations will stop at nothing to try and attract you in to buy some fried chicken and fries.

So if you're driving along the motorway and find you desperately need to stop for a quick trip to the loo, why not make the trip complete with a visit to the multi-faith prayer room. No matter what you're religion, you're sure of a warm welcome from all the devout members of the correct one.

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20 comments ( 626 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 169 )

Rev Dr Dr Prof David Wilkinson, Principal of St John's College Durham 
Tuesday, 17 April, 2012, 09:13 AM - Courage, hope, perseverance etc., Wilkinson
Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous)

The blast furnace at the Redcar steel plant on Teeside has been relit. It has been resurrected. Speaking of resurrection, the visible bit of the Invisible Magic Friend was resurrected. As you all know, this definitely, 100%, no doubt about it happened. It gives us all hope, doesn't it?

Speaking of hope, weren't the 1970's just awful! Power cuts, industrial action, terrorism and worst of all, black and white TV, full of gritty, "it's grim up north" hour long plays. Yet even in the 1970's, some people occasionally smiled. It gives us all hope, doesn't it?

Speaking of hope, the Breivik trial in Oslo is all about hatred and terrorism. Most of us aren't hate filled terrorists. This comes from our Judeo-Christian tradition (but not any other Abrahamic religions that you might think of). Anders Breivik doesn't come from a Judeo-Christian tradition, which is why he's a hate filled terrorist. It gives us all hope, doesn't it?

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20 comments ( 627 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 157 )

Rev John Bell of the Iona Community  
Monday, 16 April, 2012, 08:27 AM - Money, Bell
Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous)

Here's some ancient wisdom for you: be nice to the rich and powerful. Laugh at their jokes. Tell them how immensely rich and powerful they're looking today.

The rich and powerful are in the news at the moment. Their money can be tremendously useful for helping poor people. This is a good thing. But there is a down side to having vast amounts of cash. The rich often believe that they should be able to buy dinner with the Prime Minister, where they will be treated to a delicious Cornish Pasty from a shop that closed two years ago, with side helpings of baked beans and mash.

I met a poor person once. It wasn't in Argentina or the United States but was in Paraguay. He was desperately poor. I couldn't help thinking how very not rich and powerful he was.

I don't want it to seem like I'm demonising money. I'm a great fan of money. Jesus himself talked a great deal about money and how important it was for rich people to be charitable to poor, holy people like himself and his followers. It's what rich people do with their money that's important. They should definitely not use it to enjoy a delicious Cornish Pasty with the Prime Minister.

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5 comments ( 836 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 174 )


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