Rev Rob Marshall, an Anglican Priest 
Tuesday, 10 January, 2012, 08:37 AM - Faith, Spirituality, Sport, Marshall
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

Has anyone mentioned the Olympics yet? There's only 199 days to go, so I think it's important that I point them out to you, otherwise you might not notice.

That's why the Cabinet met at the Olympic site yesterday and David Cameron said, "Hey look at me, I'm at the Olympic park. Isn't that just great?"

I took a bus out to the Olympic park the other day and I can confirm that it really is there. Not only that, but there's a fantastic new shopping centre as well. The people of Stratford, East London, are now really happy and contented. Anyone who says otherwise is just one of those horrible cynics who can safely be ignored.

The really important thing about the park is it's legacy, like giving the local kiddies somewhere to splash around and have some fun in.

But "legacy" does not just mean buildings. It is much more than that. It is something that is hard to define, is much more intangible. What is the word I'm looking for? Let me see. Ah, yes it's SPIRITUAL!

Did someone say "spiritual"? That reminds me of the wisdom books of the Old Tasty mint. The wisdom books wisely speak of the wisdom of maintaining our faith legacy. Those who wisely maintain the wisdom of their legacy of faith are known as wise people, say the wisdom books. As it wisely says in one of the wisest of the wisdom books, "Those who wisely maintain the wisdom of their legacy of faith are wisely wise and full of wisdom, but those who foolishly discard the wise wisdom of the legacy of faith are full of foolishness and are fools."

Are you believing what I'm believing? Are you wisely wise as the wise wisdom book proclaims? Or have you foolishly discarded the wise legacy of faith and become a fool?

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Rabbi Lionel Blue 
Monday, 28 November, 2011, 08:04 AM - Spirituality, Rabbi Lionel Blue
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

WAKEY WAKEY LIONEL!

What? Oh yes.

In the good old days, when I were a lad and life had not yet emerged onto land, I wanted to grow up to be a Marxist revolutionary. But it turned out Marxist revolutions were all rubbish so I gave up on that.

So I decided to become more spiritual. Spirituality without materialism is just some bloke waffling piously on the radio. Conversely, materialism without spirituality is just materialism. We need more spirituality.

Capitalism is very good at producing wealth - just not very good at spreading it out. That's where spirituality comes in to it. It, whatever "it" is, is very good at spreading it out.

Wealth does not bring happiness. Just look how miserable all those wealthy people are. Just ask yourself, have you ever seen a happy rich person? I think that says it all.

We don't just have an economic problem, we have a spiritual problem. If only people had been more spiritual we wouldn't be in this mess.

There are still some spiritual people about though, even among bankers. They give us all hope.

Well it's time to have a nice hot cup of hot chocolate and snuggle down under the sheets.

Night night everyone.

Night night Invisible Magic Friend.

NIGHT NIGHT LIONEL.

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Catherine Pepinster, editor of the Catholic newspaper, The Tablet  
Friday, 25 November, 2011, 08:31 AM - Spirituality, Pepinster
Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

There aren't many affordable homes being built these days. The Prime Minister says that's going to change. He's going to get out there and build lots of affordable homes.

Notice that I say "homes", not "houses". I'm sure no one has ever mentioned the difference before, so let me explain. Once upon a time, we all lived in huge, spacious mansions, where there was plenty of room to host a dinner party or a dance for one's entire social circle. Then the private sector discovered that they could sell us houses provided each room was large enough for a plasma TV and a chair.

The family rarely meets for a family meal any more. Parents are out working all hours to pay the mortgage on their four rabbit hutch house. Teens selfishly pleasure themselves in their bedrooms, with not even a Catholic priest to offer them guidance.

This is where religion has all the answers. Judaism has a family meal in the home as part of their Sabbath day rituals. Christianity is exactly the same, except it's not with the family, it's not at home and it's not really a meal. It's not even a light snack. In the Eucharist, we consume the visible bit of the Invisible Magic Friend cunningly disguised as a wafer of bread. No chemical test will reveal it to be anything other than a wafer of bread but you can be quite sure that it really is the visible bit of the Invisible Magic Friend because Catholic priests have told us that they have the magic powers to make the change. (Anglican priests don't have magic powers, so I'm not quite sure why they bother getting together for a pretend Eucharist.)

There is another Abrahamic religion, but we don't talk about them.

When we Catholics have a (proper) Eucharist, we get spiritual nourishment from the wafer, magically transformed into the visible bit of the Invisible Magic Friend thanks to the magic powers of the Catholic priest. All the rest of you don't get all this spiritual nourishment. You're all spiritually malnourished. In fact you must be just rubbish with your complete lack of spiritual nourishment. It's why we Catholics are so much better than everybody else.

And that's how you can make a house a home: by becoming a Catholic and spending your time at church instead.

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Rev Rob Marshall, an Anglican Priest  
Saturday, 20 August, 2011, 07:35 AM - Invisible magic stuff, Spirituality, Think of the children, Marshall
Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

Weren't last week's headlines about young people just terrible! Every single one of them, except the Christian ones, were out rioting. Few can now afford higher education and fewer still will ever own a home. What has gone wrong with all modern youth, except the Christian ones?

Former Big Brother host, Russell Brand, speaking from Beverly Hills, and quoting Gandhi, criticised the lack of spirituality in modern youth. I agree with that, so he must be correct. And when I say "spirituality", I don't mean that wonder and awe that taps into the natural curiosity and enthusiasm of young people. No, I mean the much narrower, silly definition about invisible magic stuff.

Pope Benedict has gathered almost a million young people from around the world to worship him in Madrid. That's what I call being properly spiritual. Well done Pope Benedict! That's how to teach them right from wrong. You don't see Christians going out rioting.

You see, without Christianity, young people don't understand how to be generous or think of other people. They're just their natural, selfish, greedy selves.

Young people from Walsingham recently spent a week together being Christian. This is the kind of useful, constructive, insightful experience that more young people need to give meaning to their otherwise purposeless lives. All the ones that weren't being Christian were out rioting.

When modern youth look at today's adults, they see only the shallow cynicism of today's teachers, doctors, aid workers, poets, scientists and philosophers. No wonder their souls are empty and they go out rioting. How much healthier it is to see young people worshipping the leader of the greatest paedophile cover up conspiracy in the history of humanity. What an inspiring tonic it must be for these young people! Isn't Pope Benedict just fantastic!

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