Stupifyingly Reverend Tom Butler - Lord Bishop of Southwark 
Tuesday, 10 June, 2008, 03:54 PM
Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous)

Y'know what? (Hic!) Everything's gonna be awwwllllright. I mean you don't wanna listen to some of that Christian lot. They're a bunch of nutters! Not me though, (Hic!) I'm perfectly shane and rational I am. As I said to my very best friend, Richard Dawkinsh, "You're awlright, you are, mate." And that Philip Pullman bloke, with his parallel universes and talking polar bearsh, he's awlright too (Hic!). Talksh a lotta sense that man. (Hic!) Me, I'm the fillet... polish... ophical type, I'm the Bishop of Southwark, it's what I do. Not Augushtine and Aquinas and all that bunch a tossas, I mean real philosophers, like Terry Pratchett. He says everything's gonna be awlright too.

Maybe just a teansy, weansy little one to start the day off... (Hic!)

Listen
Read
1 comment ( 270 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 164 )

Reverend Canon Doctor Alan Billings  
Tuesday, 10 June, 2008, 03:32 PM
Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

Both candidates for the US presidency are, naturally, men of faith. The good people of the United States would not be so foolish as to elect anyone to public office who does not have an Invisible Magic Friend, unlike this heathen cesspit which has openly atheist politicians. Given that both candidates are good, noble, men of faith, it really doesn't matter who gets elected. This is often the case in life. Few decisions are black and white between a correct, moral, godly choice, and an incorrect, immoral atheistic one.

As Jesus said, the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men make them feel the weight of their authority. We Christians don't do that. As a Reverend Canon Doctor and Director of the Centre for Ethics and Religion, Lancaster University, let me just assure you that we never cover ourselves with empty, pompous titles. Nor do we assert our inherent moral superiority over the rest of you. I'd just like to say to the people of the United States of Jesusland, vote for the man who reads Jesus the most.

Listen
Read
1 comment ( 316 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 154 )

Canon David Winter 
Saturday, 7 June, 2008, 10:10 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

The Demon Drink is in the news again. Paul Gascoigne, one of the most talented football players of his generation, has been sectioned for his own safety. This doesn't just happen to famous people. It can happen to ordinary people too. We mustn't blame this on alcohol though. After all, it's only an addictive chemical that happens to be heavily advertised, widely and cheaply available and almost completely unavoidable in most British social settings. As the good book says: go on, have a good time, there's nothing wrong with a drink or two, but if you lose control then that's your fault. My Invisible Magic Friend says he didn't turn water into wine just so you could vomit on his carpet and smash the furniture up. You can't go around blaming an intoxicating substance for you being a wicked sinner.

Listen
Read
5 comments ( 424 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 148 )

Chief Rabbi Sir Jonathan Sacks 
Friday, 6 June, 2008, 10:29 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

Barack Obama wrote a book called "The Audacity of Hope". Coincidentally, I wrote a book called the The Politics of Hope, available from all good booksellers and via the internet. If you analyze American presidential campaigns, you'll find that nine times out of ten, it is the candidate that is the most optimistic that wins. Yep, telling everyone that everything's rosy and if you vote for me it'll be even better, works every time.

The Jews have been hopeful ever since they were a nation of slaves. They definitely were slaves, even though the Egyptians don't seem to have noticed this and despite the fact that forty years of wandering in the desert didn't leave behind a single verifiable archaeological artifact. After all- absence of evidence means anything could have happened. So as I point out in my book (a real steal from Amazon at only 6.99), hope is really important. We Jews have been hoping for 3,300 years that our Invisible Magic Friend will start being nice to his chosen people any day now.

Listen
Read
1 comment ( 691 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3.1 / 167 )

Might be offline for a few days 
Thursday, 5 June, 2008, 09:01 AM
I'm off to Aberdeen until next Weds. I'll have my pocket laptop with me, but who knows what sort of internet connection the hotel will have.

I'm going to a re-union of my old school. This might be the last chance to see the place before it gets turned into a luxury hotel, conference centre and golf course. I'm really looking forward to this. Many of my old school friends know I'm gay, but of course they didn't know this when we were all there training to be Roman Catholic priests. I might even bump into the odd bishop or cardinal that I've had cause to mention on this blog. Terry and me haven't quite decided whether we're going to abandon being an inherent moral evil and a threat to family values for the weekend. We'll just have to see how it goes. We're not going to the evening re-union dinner though. We want to give them all a chance to gossip about us.

:)

2 comments ( 717 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 186 )

Vishvapani (a much nicer name than Simon Blomfield) 
Thursday, 5 June, 2008, 08:48 AM
Rating 1 out of 5 (Hardly platitudinous at all)

Poor women in Nigeria can't afford to buy food any more. Once, this would've been a simple transaction between her and her local farmer, but nowadays she is subject to the vagaries of trading in London. The World Food Summit, where wise and thoughtful leaders from around the world have gathered, is selflessly putting partisan considerations aside in order to find a just and equitable solution to the growing crisis. When the Buddha said that "I" is an illusion, he was of course referring to the need for international agreements to dismantle agricultural subsidies and food tariffs, while regulating the rush to biofuels, genetically modified crops and the excesses of the international commodities and futures exchanges.

Listen
Read
add comment ( 722 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 2.9 / 172 )

Right Awful Anne Atkins - Novelist and Columnist  
Wednesday, 4 June, 2008, 08:31 AM
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

Lots of nerdy, maths geeks are becoming rich in the City of London. Astonishingly, one of these spotty computer nerds has even become the richest man in the world. It's clearly a very strange planet we live on, when people with no fashion sense and who don't perennially quote classical authors are regarded as somehow more useful contributors to the economy. I shouldn't be surprised by this. It was David, the weedy little dork of a brother, that Samuel chose to be King of Israel. That's because my Invisible Magic Friend could see beneath the weak, dorky, exterior, to the adulterous murderer that David would one day become. Yes, David was a man after god's own heart. Now there's a surprise.

Listen
Read
5 comments ( 421 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3.1 / 169 )

Dazzlingly Reverend Tom Butler - Lord Bishop of Southwark 
Tuesday, 3 June, 2008, 08:14 AM
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

I used to visit lotsh of elderly people (hic!). They're mainly old and lonely and don't think very clearly. Do you know what one of them shed to me? (hic!) She shed, "You always come round jusht when I settle down to watch the racing." Bloody cheek! (hic!) There'sh me trying to be nice and charitable, vishiting poor, old, lonely elderly people, and she says she'd rather watch the racing. It happened another (hic!) time. I was busy lecturing a room full of poor, old, lonely elderly ladies about them grashiously handing over to (hic!) youngshters like me, when the only man in the room told me to get out of the way of the telly! Anyone would think I was a complete washte of (hic!) space. Well I'm the Bishop of Southwark (hic!), it'sh what I do. Where's the sherry bottle?

Listen
Read
1 comment ( 256 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 183 )

Reverend Canon Doctor Alan Billings  
Monday, 2 June, 2008, 08:20 AM
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

With his characteristic humility, His Holiness, Rt. Rev. St. Tony of Blair has launched the Tony Blair Let's Be Nice Foundation. This is in addition to the Tony Blair Sports Foundation which includes the Tony Blair Tennis Challenge where players strive to win the Tony Blair Challenge cup. These of course are only hobbies compared to his full time jobs as the Middle East special envoy, director of J.P. Morgan, director of Zurich insurance, professor at Harvard, advisor to the Rwandan government and Saviour of the World's climate. (Long term peace and stability in the Middle East is usually sorted out before breakfast.)

But being British is so much more than just being Tony Blair. For most of its history the Christian Church gave Britain its values and beliefs. Without us, Britain wouldn't have any values or beliefs. What are we to do now that there are so many people in Britain with a different religion, and different values and beliefs? Some think we should seek out common values of humanity. People talk about trivial things, like tolerance and respect. As a Reverend Canon Doctor and Director of the Centre for Ethics and Religion, Lancaster University, I'd just like to say: what a load of rubbish. You can keep your mutual tolerance and respect. I say we need a good bit of flag waving. Let's hoist the Union Jack and start singing Rule Britannia. A little bit of good, honest, jingoistic patriotism never did anyone any harm. Jesus said as much on the cross when he told Saint John to look after his mum. This was a clear sign that we should all be fiercely nationalistic. Fostering a sense of national pride will encourage respect for all the other, less fortunate, nations. After all, it always has in the past.

Listen
Read
5 comments ( 719 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3.1 / 177 )

Brian Draper 
Saturday, 31 May, 2008, 06:00 PM
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

Hello, Brian Draper here, from the London Institute for Contemporary Christianity, where we work to equip Christians to engage biblically and relevantly with the issues they face, including Work, Capitalism, Youth Culture, Media and Communication.

With the soaring price of oil, the end of cheap air travel, the collapse in house prices and general economic doom and gloom, it's tempting to keep a firm grip on what we have. You'll be like an overladen camel who can't get through a needle. This is the time to start living frugally, free from the gilded cage of ever greater consumption, which is what less religious people do all the time. I feel I must explain to you that there is more to life than acquiring wealth. No, honestly there is! If you are fortunate to be someone who is better off, I'd like to recommend giving to charity. If you've never done this before then you won't have experienced the joy that it brings to give something to someone else. You really will be amazed how good it will make you feel, although of course you mustn't do it for this reason, because then it wouldn't really be charity any more and wouldn't be anywhere near as holy.

Listen
Read
add comment ( 566 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 279 )


<<First <Back | 228 | 229 | 230 | 231 | 232 | 233 | 234 | 235 | 236 | 237 | Next> Last>>