Reverend Nicholas Papadopulos, Vicar of St Peter's Church, Eaton Square, handy for Belgravia and Knightsbridge
Friday, 31 December, 2010, 08:31 AM - PrayerRating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)
DON'T PANIC! DON'T PANIC! There are only 16 hours left in 2010 in which to pray! If you get down on your knees right now you can still get some really useful praying in before the parties start. There's the Our Invisible Magic Friend who art in Heaven - that's a really good prayer, given to us be the visible bit of the Invisible Magic Friend himself. Then there's the Apostles Creed or the Nicene Creed, with or without the Filioque, the Chalcedonian Creed and the Athanasian Creed - all of them, truly fantastic creeds.
The two occasions I remember most in 2010, were at two men's deathbeds. Their careers and lives behind them, they lay there surrounded by friends and family. Scarcely able to be heard and certainly in no position to object, I held each man's hand and began to utter, Our Invisible Magic Friend. Their expressions instantly changed and they began to mutter insensibly, no doubt grateful that some of their last dying moments, their last time alone with their families, their last chance to express their love, could be interrupted for the important task of a bit of last minute praying.
I'm sure you have many worthy New Year's resolutions that you intend to keep. Let's make praying to the Invisible Magic Friend one of them.
Happy New Year.
His Eminence, Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor, Cardinal Archbishop Emeritus of Westminster, Cardinal-Priest of Santa Maria sopra Minerva
Thursday, 30 December, 2010, 09:26 AM - GibberishRating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)
Isn't music just wonderful? I play the piano you know? Yes, yes, I have many happy memories of going to piano recitals. During the war pianists used to travel around the country playing music on the piano so that we could all hear the music. This is all so different from today where pianists travel around the country playing music on the piano so that we can all hear the music
Who can forget the wonderful Christmas Truce in the trenches of 1914, where ordinary soldiers from either side sang Silent Night together. This inspirational singing so delighted the British high command that they declared fraternisation with the enemy to be treason and ordered that they would all be shot if they did it again. Soldiers were forgetting about whatever the first world war was about.
Pope John Paul II, still a lowly cardinal like what I am, invited all the English bishops round to his place. The Polish bishops sang a dignified medley of traditional Polish folk music to which we responded by lifting our cassocks and entertaining the future pope with a round of "Knees up Mother Brown" and "I'm just a girl who can't say no".
Music is so terribly spiritual. I love to hear the angelic soaring tones of Bach, Mozart, Handel, Elgar, Snoop Dogg or Lady Gaga, any of which could send me off to the next life. A famous poet said something about death and music once.
So it's time to tune your instrument, which I say, not as a euphemism, but as an allegory of life. Make sure your euphonium plays the song you would like it to play. You are the euphonium player, you are the euphonium.
Seventy years ago today, 22,000 incendiary bombs were dropped on the City of London. At it's height, 300 bombs per minute dropped around Saint Paul's, the cathedral that I happen to be Canon Chancellor of. There were 28 direct hits and so many fires that Ed Murrow prematurely announced on CBS that the building was lost.
Saint Paul's, where I am Canon Chancellor and which really is one of the "must see" attractions for any tourist visiting London, survived, even though many buildings around it were reduced to rubble. One of the great icons of London stood defiant against the Nazi bombs.
This is only one small chapter in the long and glorious history of Saint Paul's Cathedral, Canon Chancellor of which I am and which is open daily from 8.30 am to 4.00 pm. It's survival of the blitz was a symbol of hope to all people of faith (people without faith just looked at it and said "yeah, whatever" ). Nor is this the naive hope of the hopelessly deluded, it is the good, brave, British hope of the undefeated, the defiant. Just like religious faith, it's about not giving in to reality.
Christopher Wren, who built Saint Paul's, whose Canon Chancellor I am and where children's tickets are available from only £4 (Adults £12.50 with a whole £1 reduction for senior citizens), found a piece of masonry from the medieval Saint Paul's. It had the single word "resurgen", or "I will rise again" on it. The Cathedral did rise again, just like the resurrection at the heart of the Christian Faith which I now believe in again thanks to my recent successful therapy sessions.
Saint Paul's, Chancellor Canon whereof I am, remains a symbol of faith and hope and has a large and well stocked gift shop full of a wide range of books, CDs, DVDs, jewellery as well as a series of commemorative prints and stationery to suit all tastes, many of which are also available for purchase online.
(Oh yes, and 160 people died and 500 were injured in the raid.)
Tuesday, 28 December, 2010, 09:02 AM - EnvironmentRating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)
Fifty years ago, I read that Bertrand Russell had been jailed for organising mass acts of civil disobedience against the bomb. Thus inspired I decided to walk to all the then four nuclear capitals. Everywhere I went I was greeted by friendly faces, kindness and friendship. Each of the leaders of the nuclear powers received me graciously. When I asked them never to build any more nuclear bombs, and to get rid of their existing ones, they smiled and said they would think about it before pointing me in the direction of the next city.
What I learned most from my walk was the connectedness between indigenous peoples and the great earth mother goddess. We are all one, the people, the sky, the birds, the mountains, the forests, the rivers, the deer, the earthworm, the tiger, the storm, the volcano, the earthquake, the flesh eating bacteria - all are one. In the great mid-Western plains, I sat in a teepee with a young man of profound, ancient wisdom and primeval dignity, who had opted for a simpler life and who subsequently died due to lack of an appropriately profound, simple, ancient medical intervention. This wise intelligent way of life has much to teach us about living in harmony with nature, of which we are all part.
Today, nuclear proliferation is everywhere. Some might say that my 8,000 mile walk was therefore a failure. Not at all, I say. If I hadn't walked to all those cities, the Environmental movement, with its campaigns to oppose atmospheric Chloroflourocarbons and man made global warming would never have happened.
We are all connected and interdependent. So excuse me while I take the car from this radio studio where I have broadcast to thousands. There are trees in desperate need of a hug.
Monday, 27 December, 2010, 09:25 AM - TilbyRating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)
Words are so important, especially truthful words. There are words at the beginning of Saint John the Evangelist's Gospel (as opposed to Saint John the not an Evangelist, who didn't write a Gospel and therefore doesn't get called an evangelist). There are words like "The Word was with the Invisible Magic Friend, and the word was the Invisible Magic Friend". This is all very theological and stuff. It's because the Invisible Magic Friend doesn't want to be mysterious that we have all this theology about him being a Word.
Just before Christmas, two famous journalists died. Brian Hanrahan and Anthony Howard were both dedicated to words, especially truthful words. We used to say a prayer that people who talk or write a lot of words would be guided by the invisible Magic Friend, who always uses truthful words.
We need more journalists who speak the truth, but we also have to be able to listen to the truth, to absorb facts, like Saint John's Gospel. There's too much argument that is simply emotional, designed to play to our prejudices, instead of giving us good, reliable information, like Saint John's Gospel, which never resorts to hyperbole or exaggeration.
Good journalism should challenge us like Saint John's Gospel does.
His Infallible Holiness, Reichsführer Benedict the Umpteenth, Archbishop of Rome, Vicar of Christ, Successor of Saint Peter, Pontifex Maximus, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Sovereign of the Vatican, Servant of the Servants of God and all round best guy in the whole wide world
Friday, 24 December, 2010, 09:51 AMRating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)
(Tezting, tezting. Dast speaking zis zoftly zound too kreepy? Nein? Dast goot.)
Heil der my zittle Englander folks oom I iz very very fond of. Izt me, mein Holiness. Ve are preying on zu all, especially zoes non-Catholiks vich do not recognize uz as der top boss man unt all round szwell guy. Ve prey ont zur familiez, unt ve ezpecially prey ont zur children, ze little teazers. Unt ve prey unt anyvon ist zick or ist totally dependent on uz.
Ve gives zanks tu ze Invizible Magik Freund für all iz goodnez to uz, coz ve is doing very very vell zank you.
Chriztmaz greetingz to zu all, unt indeed to all peoplez throughout mein vorld, as ve avait ze return ut ze little baby Jesuz. Ze baby Jesuz vost born in Bethlehem. Zu can be zure of siz as ve are telling zu siz unt ve ist intfallible.
Ze little baby Jesuz brought ein liberation to ze vorld, (nicht ein Liberation Theology ist ein very very bad unt commie unt strictly verbotten). Das Juden vost expekting unt great military führer. Vell, vould zu Adam unt Eve it, ze Invizible Magik Freund zent unt poor carpenter inztead. Jesuz brought uz freedom unt ein Catholik Church, unt me as ze head of itz, unt ein catechism, unt ein Canon Law vich muzt be obeyed vizout question!
Jesuz ist ein überführer fur ze vorld. Iz cruzifiction zaved zu all unt everyzine haz been very much better zinze then, vif no vars, or cruelty or perzecuzion or anyzine like zat. At leazt not againzt any von who matterz.
Zo, az ve ponder zis great myztery of ze hope unt ze light unt ze good newz zat zu ich free to do az ve tell zu to, may ze graze of ze Invizible Magik Freund be upon zu all. May zu all haz unt very peazeful unt joyful Chriztmaz, zittle Englanders peoplez and may ze Invizible Magik Freund blez zu all.
(Voz at OK? Ve do our very very bezt not to mention ze condoms, or ze homozexual people or ze baby murderers or ze zecularists. I zink itz go very well.)
That naughty Telegraph has been getting more Liberal Democrat ministers to say bad things about the Tories. They tried to get the Tories to say bad things about Liberals, but they all remained perfectly discrete and polite and think the Liberals are just wonderful.
Disagreements among politicians, even those in the same government, are inevitable. Collective cabinet responsibility says that ministers argue for their point of view but back whichever view emerges as the government consensus. If they cannot back it, then they resign.
Politicians are not alone in this. Others sometimes have to support decisions that they may disagree with. Parents and teachers will often support one another even though they may have private qualms about things. They do this for the sake of consistency. But we are not children or pupils and we should expect both disagreement among cabinet members and a willingness to support one another once a decision has been made.
Disagreement, in a mature way, is a healthy sign of democracy. Sadly, it is a lesson that many religious people have yet to learn. For many, devotion means intolerance, and tolerance means lack of commitment. The opposite should be true. We should be able to argue our case without condemnation of opposing points of view.
Let us hope that collective responsibility has not been damaged by the recent revelations. Learning to disagree well is a value worth learning, practising and defending.
Rev Dr Colin Morris, a Methodist Minister and (coincidentally) former head of religious broadcasting and BBC controller in Northern Ireland
Wednesday, 22 December, 2010, 08:40 AM - MorrisRating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)
Has anyone mentioned Christmas yet?
The bad weather means that we won't all be handing out our ideal Christmas presents this year. People will be frantically trying to decide what to give the vicar. There's always the Manchester United keyring, unless he's an atheist who supports Chelsea (just a little Rev Dr joke there - you see anyone who supports Chelsea must be as bad as an atheist, titter, titter). Oh, didn't you realise that people buy presents for the vicar? Well, good job I was here to let you know. I mean, you wouldn't want to be the only person who didn't buy him one, would you?
It's important that at least one of your gifts should be useless, although you can wave that rule in the case of vicars, where cash alternatives or book tokens are perfectly acceptable. Useless gifts show someone that you love them. Look at the very first Christmas gift, the baby Jesus. Now there was a useless gift if ever there was one. The true meaning of Christmas is to bring some colour and sparkle into the darkness and gloom of winter. It's about bringing cheer, not practicality.
What about the song the Twelve Days of Christmas - each featuring increasingly useless gifts, although the five gold rings on eight consecutive days could add up to a tidy sum. Come to think of it, the geese-a-laying, colly birds, French hens, turtle doves and partridges might come in handy for a few Christmas dinners. Even the swans-a-swimming might end up that way provided nobody tells Her Majesty, but the lords-a-leaping definitely sound useless.
Many Haiti rescue workers searched for children's toys. Many people think the children of Haiti shouldn't be allowed to have any toys until food, clothing and medical supplies have been fully restored - that any child found with a toy should have it abruptly snatched from their hands in exchange for a Red Cross ration parcel.
As a Rev Dr, let me just assure you that children need to play. They need to be reminded that they are children, not just victims.
So don't forget to include something useless in your gifts this Christmas (vicar excepted).
Tuesday, 21 December, 2010, 09:27 AM - Not TFTDIt certainly feels like the shortest day here in a very dark and gloomy Southend.
Tuesday, 21 December, 2010, 09:03 AM - FraserRating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous)
And in the big news today, my wife got a free taxi ride from Euston to Saint Paul's, where I'm Canon Chancellor and Lucy Winkett isn't, at 3 o'clock in the morning. The driver said it was his "Christmas good deed".
The book On Kindness asks why people are so suspicious of kindness. We expect everyone to be selfish and think kind people must have something wrong with them. The authors argue that Christianity hijacked kindness, rather than see it for what it is, a natural part of humanity.
Hobbes thought that acts of kindness were really just acts of selfishness, doing good because it made us feel good. So kind people are really just selfish people and the taxi driver was actually an evil, greedy swine for helping someone.
These "anti-kindness" people, think they are realists, but it's the other way around. Portraying ourselves as innately selfish is a way of distancing ourselves from kindness, because in order to be kind, someone else must be vulnerable and vulnerability in others implies vulnerability in ourselves. We yearn for the kindness of others, but fear rejection and so choose to categorise everyone as selfish.
Fortunately, the taxi driver mentioned Christmas, so there's no need for me to find some other excuse to talk about it. The true meaning of Christmas is the kindness of a mother to her child and the dependency of the child on its mother. Kindness cannot exist without vulnerability. It is pretending that we are all selfish that is unrealistic. We must face the possibility of rejection with courage in order to keep kindness alive.
I think we can all agree, this is precisely what Christianity is all about.
And the therapy's going very well, thank you. Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better.