Rev Rob Marshall, an Anglican Priest  
Saturday, 17 December, 2011, 09:12 AM - Christmas, Gibberish
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

Hi Mary, Gabriel here. I would have texted u but that hasn't been invented yet. Great news!
Who are you?
I told you, I'm Gabriel, the angel Gabriel.
Aha. So what's this good news then?
The Particularly Invisible Bit of the Invisible Magic Friend has just blessed you.
Has just what?
He's just blessed you.
You know... blessed.
I don't follow.
Oh come on, do I have to spell it out? He came in here just now, went underneath your sheet and... you know... blessed you.
Oh, I see! Blessed! That's a bit of a liberty don't you think. I mean, usually a girl likes to be courted a little bit. A box of chocolates, some flowers, even an introduction might have been nice.
Yes, well, He's not really into all that sentimental stuff, what with Him not being human or having any hormones. He really just likes to get on with the business end of things.
He must have been very quick, I didn't even notice I was being "blessed".
That's Him alright! When He wants to bless someone He doesn't hang about. It's just straight in there and, woosh, He's one fast blesser.
So now what?
Well you'll have a baby boy who, according to prophecy, will be named Emmanuel.
I think I prefer Jesus.
He will be the Messiah.
No one in the family's called Emmanuel.
He will be the salvation of mankind.
Jesus has got a nice ring to it don't you think?
You will be worshipped as the replacement mother goddess, as the Queen of Heaven. Well, not worshipped exactly, more sort of... er...
Yes blessed! No! No, no, no, no, no. Not blessed.

And that everyone, is the True Meaning of Advent.

4 comments ( 535 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 2.9 / 271 )

No POTD Thurs (& possibly Fri) 
Wednesday, 14 December, 2011, 11:39 AM - TFTD
I know I can rely on you to provide some suitable summaries of TFTD while I'm away for a few days.

15 Nov John Bell Listen/Read
16 Nov Lord Harries Listen/Read
9 comments ( 1348 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 253 )

Mona Siddiqui, Professor of Islamic and Inter-Religious Studies, Assistant Principal for Religion and Society, New College on the Mound, University of Edinburgh 
Wednesday, 14 December, 2011, 08:15 AM - Christmas, Siddiqui
Rating 2 out of 5 (A little platitudinous)

The True Meaning of Christmas is that there are loads of twinkly lights. Everyone gets to decorate a Christmas tree with bright baubles and more twinkly lights. Living rooms have holly and ivy on their walls, or at least their plastic equivalents, and sometimes even more twinkly lights. The whole country comes to a stop for a few days and everything is completely dominated by it for months before hand.

It's all so unfair. I wish we had Christmas in Islam. Oh, we get Eid, but it's nowhere near as good. For a start, there aren't nearly as many twinkly lights. We do the family thing and have a big meal and all that, but the Queen doesn't come on the telly to wish us a Happy Eid. There's no Coronation Street special. It's just not the same. And there are no twinkly lights.

We exchange gifts and cards with people at Christmas time, but we don't get to put up twinkly lights. As Professor of Islamic and Inter-Religious Studies, Assistant Principal for Religion and Society, New College on the Mound, University of Edinburgh, I think Muslims should be allowed to put up twinkly lights at Christmas too!

12 comments ( 1313 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 2.9 / 244 )

Canon Angela Tilby, Christ Church Cathedral Oxford 
Tuesday, 13 December, 2011, 08:31 AM - Tilby
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

Antonio Horta-Osorio could soon be back at work. Hurrah! I hear you all shout. He, along with other alpha males and females, such as myself, always run out of steam in the end.

I used to be just like him, never delegating any of my preaching to anyone else, always wanting to be top priest, forever afraid that if I stopped priesting for a second, some ambitious youngster would snatch the title from me. The human body simply isn't designed for such constant stress.

I thought I could handle it. I thought nothing could defeat me. Then came A Nightmare in Waitrose, where a power cut plunged the store into emergency lighting. I immediately wanted to run to the bedding section and hide beneath the sheets but was forced to mingle instead with Marks & Spencer's customers who were in the midst of a similar terror. The trauma of that day, the flashbacks, haunt me still. I finally realised that I was not super vicar after all.

This is why Judaism is so much better than Christianity. They have definite rules about observing the Sabbath, and appropriate punishments, such as death, for those who don't obey. The Sabbath is a memorial to the infinitely powerful Invisible Magic Friend, who, shagged out after a hard six days creating, decided to have a bit of a rest. So having the odd power nap is OK, it says so in a bit of scripture somewhere. I know this because it says everything in a bit of scripture somewhere.

The Invisible Magic Friend is not some ultra alpha male that you all have to agree with and worship at ever opportunity. He doesn't micro-manage the whole of creation. Oh no, wait, he does.

When I find myself priesting away again at all hours, thinking once again that I'm the best priest ever, I think it's time to look at myself more humbly. There's nothing wrong with just being one of the best priests ever.

13 comments ( 1251 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 280 )

Clifford Longley, a distinguished Catholic gentleman who talks a lot about religion, Platitude of the Year Winner 2010  
Rating 5 out of 5 (Extraordinarily platitudinous)

David and Goliath is a story from the Old Tasty mint of how the little guy stands up to the giant and goes on to be hereditary, autocratic dictator. It's the perfect metaphor for people standing up to dictator's today in a long list of Arab countries, plus Russia and Congo.

The people who stand up to people like the hereditary, autocratic dictator David, are just like David before he became a hereditary, autocratic dictator. They are showing something that we Catholics call "courage", which is when you stand up to autocratic dictators.

Courage was invented by the Greeks, along with justice, temperance and their sister, Prudence. Together these are the four cardinal ways of being good. They were such good ideas that we Catholics decided to adopt them and keep them alive for the sake of humanity. Has anyone mentioned Saint Augustine or Saint Thomas Aquinas lately? Thought not. Well they thought the four ways of being good were good too, so they decided to pass them on.

Being good took a bit of a dive after the Renaissance and then disappeared completely due to that wretched, secular Enlightenment. But the world hasn't been a complete wreck since then. After the war, philosophers rediscovered being good again. They found out that Catholicism, along with all the great religions, had advocated being good. Even Confucianism advocated being good. Confucius invented being good at about the same time as the Greeks, but he was very far away. It was still mainly religious people who thought being good was a good idea though.

So as autocratic dictators are swept away by people like David before he became an autocratic dictator, being good is surely an idea whose time has come.

4 comments ( 858 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 323 )

Why did Cameron veto the treaty changes? 
Sunday, 11 December, 2011, 04:11 PM - Politics, Not TFTD
I've seen a great many articles and comments on whether Cameron is a hero or a fool, whether he "played a blinder" or fell into an inscrutable Gallic trap. As always, everyone else in the country seems to understand this and I seem to be the only person who is utterly confused. For the life of me, I can't figure out why he actually vetoed the changes?

Well, I'm not quite the only one, Channel 4's Faisal Islam seems to share some of my confusion.

The government line, or at least the Tory line, seems to be that the changes weren't in Britain's interest. Fair enough, but AFAIK, the changes applied only to the Eurozone and to prospective Eurozone members. The UK was never going to have to follow its rules or submit its budgets to Brussels for approval. So it's difficult so see how this could be against British interests.

As for City regulation, again there was nothing in the proposed treaty changes that would have given Brussels any new regulatory powers over the financial industry. Or have I missed something incredibly obvious?

Cameron appears to have wanted to claw back some powers to Britain. The others said no. Bluff called. Did Cameron and Clegg seriously think that a conference to bring stability to the Eurozone was going to countenance concessions on financial regulation? The only thing achieved by actually wielding the veto was to antagonise everybody else in Europe and to guarantee that Britain had no seat at the regular heads of government meetings that the inter-government treaty now intends to hold.

What has Britain gained from this fiasco? What could Europe have done through the proposed treaty changes that it is now prevented from doing? (Apart from stabilising the Eurozone, which is in all our interests, and which is precisely what George Osborne has been saying needed to happen for the last six months.)

Or could there be a more mundane explanation: that Cameron and his team were tired and just didn't realise the enormity of what they were doing? A straightforward, good old fashion, human cock up?
12 comments ( 1541 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 232 )

Rev Rob Marshall, an Anglican Priest  
Saturday, 10 December, 2011, 08:11 AM - Democracy, Politics, Prison, Marshall
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

Long term isolation from others is not desirable for most of us.
A little bit of isolation can be good but lots of it is bad.
In other words, we like to engage with others.
In other, other words, we don't like to be in solitary confinement, or in yet other, other words, to be cut off.
I've seen people in solitary confinement, when the only person they were allowed to see was me. You cannot believe how terrified they were.
In other, other, other words we don't like to be lost in isolation.

Visiting friends in France recently, they now see Britain as isolated. They think that Britain only cares about its own self interest, unlike France.
Well who won the war anyway? Damned ungrateful French.

Early Christians used to isolate themselves in the desert in order to be holy. Then they'd come back as holy people. So we will come back to the EU as holier too.
The Old Tasty mint book of Proverbs says isolation is a bad thing, therefore it is.

In summary, using my initial words and not any of the other words, a little bit of isolation can be good but lots of it is bad.

4 comments ( 1533 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 2.8 / 300 )

Resplendently Reverend Lord Professor Bishop Baron Reverend Lord Richard Harries, Baron Pentregarth, Gresham Professor of Divinity, Baron, Bishop, Professor, Lord...  
Friday, 9 December, 2011, 08:34 AM - Be nice, Harries
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

And the Big Question on everybody's lips this morning: what role will the Church of England play in the imminent depression?

As a Resplendently Reverend Lord Professor Bishop Baron, let me just set everyone's mind at rest. The C of E won't be like those loud, brash Americans. As everybody knows, we Christians are a meek, mild bunch who are not at all pushy. You won't find us poking our noses into everything and shouting about how we need to be listened to. Just listen to me now on TFTD, I'm ever so polite and reasonable.

For some reason, when we tell people about the Invisible Magic Friend, they seem to think that we in some way lack credibility. I know, it's astonishing, isn't it! Our shyness comes from the fact that we know we are right. It's not at all connected with the fact that last time people were openly religious we had civil wars and massacres, or that every time we mention it now people give us a very odd look.

A famous poet agreed with me, so I must be right.

Did you know that one of Hitler's attempted assassins was a Christian? Just one little example of how great we Christians are. He pointed out that one day you'll all be forced to be Christians. Until that happens, we'll continue to be very quiet and unthreatening.

In the meantime, do try to be nice to one another.

10 comments ( 1016 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 309 )

Thomas Paine on Christian Prophecies 
Friday, 9 December, 2011, 06:26 AM - Not TFTD
Stonyground posted this interesting link on John Bell's thread. I thought it deserved a bit more prominence. As the title suggests, it's Thomas Paine systematically demolishing the alleged prophecies of the Old Tasty Mint about the arrival of Jesus.
1 comment ( 1099 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 2.9 / 228 )

Rev Dr Michael Banner, Dean and Fellow of Trinity College, Cambridge  
Thursday, 8 December, 2011, 08:11 AM - Be nice, Prayer, Banner
Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

It's one of the pressing problems of our age: what version of the Lord's prayer should we use? Should we forgive trespasses, forgive debts, or forgive sins? It's a tough one, but fear not, that's precisely the sort of vital challenge that Christian theology is willing to take on.

As luck would have it, debts have been in the news lately in the form of pay day loans. These are loans that poor people have to take out. Poor people are people who've run out of money. Just at the time when there are more poor people about, the British are becoming less tolerant of poor people, with many thinking that the poor just deserve to be poor.

Fortunately we have Christianity. Christianity invented being good to the poor. Judaism, which was a kind of dummy run for proper Christianity, also did some helping of the poor, although mainly their own poor. Christianity decided to help all the poor, which is why we don't have any poor people left today.

The Emperor Julian said so, so I must be right.

11 comments ( 1145 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 252 )

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