VERSION|0.5.1|SUBJECT|May Clemmies |CONTENT|[url=http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap130616.html][img=images/2013/06/pic130616.jpg popup=false float=right][/url]A couple of people have pointed out that the Clemmies are a bit late this month. Sorry about that. The last couple of weekends have been taken up putting together our appeal to the Department of Work and Pensions. The weekend before that was spent finding a new car after my old one lost power and started smelling of burning plastic while acrid black smoke escaped from under the bonnet. Me and my mum-in-law quickly got out and called the fire brigade. Fortunately the car didn&#039;t go up in flames but I decided to scrap it rather than risk anything similar happening again.

And in a packed Clemmies this month we have some old favourites to inform, educate and entertain us. The month got off to a flying start with everybody&#039;s favourite vicar&#039;s wife, [url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry130503-083602]Anne Atkins[/url]. With a heady mix of Shakespeare, Orwell, Cobbett, Aristotle and Luther, Anne pointed out the disturbing level of poor grammar among academics criticising educational standards. Oh, how we all laughed as Anne showed us that some people don&#039;t even know the difference between an infinitive and a gerund. Sloppy language leads to sloppy thinking, therefore the Invisible Magic Friend exists.

[url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry130506-082726]Clifford Longley[/url] wasn&#039;t going to stand idly by and just let AAA take all the glory. He immediately reminded us just how progressive and inclusive the Catholic Church has become under Pope Frankie. In fact, it&#039;s remarkably similar to how progressive and inclusive it was under Pope Benny. This was a bit of a repeat from Clifford and not really up to his usual standard.

[url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry130509-081948]Rev. Angela Tilby[/url] continued her occasional series where she attempted to extract the meaning of life from documentaries, dramas and, this time, The Apprentice and Master Chef. For sheer dotty originality this must surely rank as a strong contender this month.

[url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry130517-081503]Lord Professor Bishop Baron Harries[/url] reflected upon the divine gift of national governments and global organisations. Globalisation has the power to do great good, as long as the Invisible Magic Friend, and thus his bishops, are properly involved. I must admit, I hadn&#039;t previously understood the role of the divine hand in shaping the UN and the EU. This was a bit of an eye opener.

[url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry130527-090044]Rev Canon Dr Alan Billings[/url] wanted to point out that the Woolwich murderers&#039; quoting of scripture was a bad quoting of scripture. This is completely unlike his own quoting of scripture, where the Invisible Magic Baddie quoted scripture to the Invisible Magic Friend. Real religion, true religion, [i]his[/i] religion, or in the case of the Woolwich murderers, a different religion, doesn&#039;t quote scripture to justify murder, even when the quote in question justifies murder. As the &quot;no true Muslim&quot; adage goes, this was one of its most egregious outings.

[url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry130528-081905]Rev Roy Jenkins[/url] gave a delightful review of the Hay Festival. The one thing that could really improve the Hay Festival would be more religion. Similarly, all the trouble spots around the world could only be improved with more religion. For example, women&#039;s rights, who could argue that women&#039;s rights are greatly improved everywhere when we have more religion?

As the month began, so it must end. [url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry130530-082907]Anne Atkins[/url], the month&#039;s Alpha and Omega, with her enchanting blend of Shakespeare, Stravinsky, Wagner, Iphigenia, Agamemnon and Artemis, finally got to the point with the story of Abraham being stopped from sacrificing Isaac to the Invisible Magic Friend. Abraham, being the kind of fanatical psychopath who does what the voices in his head tell him to, was quite prepared to [img=images/clemmie_small_crown.JPG popup=false float=left]go ahead until the voices in his head told him to stop. This proves that her Invisible Magic Friend is the one true Invisible Magic Friend because he doesn&#039;t require human sacrifice, except when he does.

Tilby, Harries and Billings all deserve honourable mentions this month, but there can be no doubt about the winner. With AAA in top form and [i]two[/i] extraordinarily platitudinous contributions, both packed full of classical references and blinding non-sequiturs, this month&#039;s Clemmie goes to the Right Awful Anne Atkins.|CATEGORIES|47|IP-ADDRESS|94.168.119.214|CREATEDBY|admin|DATE|1371365778