VERSION|0.5.1|SUBJECT|POTY 2012 Approaches|CONTENT|[url=http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap130106.html][img=images/2013/01/pic130106.jpg popup=false float=right][/url]With the national celebration of our beloved monarch&#039;s Diamond Jubilee now behind us, with all the excitement of London 2012 now just a distant memory, with twelfth night now past and Christmas officially over (depending on who you ask), there remains one final, and ultimate honour for 2012 still to be awarded. Yes, the highlight of the platitudinous year is almost upon us once again. Platitude of the year (POTY) 2012 will be unveiled next Sunday.

Who will join the illustrious ranks of such luminaries as POTY 2011, Catherine Pepinster, who defended the seal of the Catholic confessional above the actual welfare of a child? Or POTY 2010, Clifford Longley who held up cosmic disaster as being a lesser catastrophe than a single sin? Or our inaugural POTY, 2009, the Bishop of Liverpool, James Jones, for reminding us all how important Christianity was in solving the problems of Northern Ireland?

We have twelve superb platitudes to choose from in 2012. With the help of the Particularly Invisible Bit of the Invisible Magic Friend one of them will be selected as 2012&#039;s chief platitudinour.

In an unusual twist, [url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry120205-094840]January&#039;s Clemmie[/url] went north of the border to John Bell. This time, it wasn&#039;t so much for his invocation of the Invisible Magic Friend, but for his unashamed, Saltire waving advocacy of Scottish independence. This, it turned out, was too much even for Auntie Beeb, who, for once, actually [url=http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00nbvtl]upheld a complaint[/url] against it.

I was delighted to have Cardinal Keith O&#039;Brien present the [url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry120304-083323]February Clemmies[/url], where he took the opportunity to remind us, as he always does, of just how appallingly, undeniably, apocalypitcally disastrous Gay Marriage would be for the UK. It&#039;s such a tremendous loss to POTD that we can&#039;t have the Cardinal on TFTD as a regular presenter. February&#039;s Clemmie went to Mona Siddiqui who, despite being a professor of Inter-Religious studies, couldn&#039;t quite figure our why she felt uncomfortable at her son marrying a Hindu girl.

The March Clemmie was claimed by the mountain climbing, Antarctic exploring, round Britain jet-skiing, Himalayian paragliding, lizard eating, urine drinking, SAS instructor and Chief Scout who&#039;s found Jesus, [url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry120401-055642]Bear Grylls[/url] (with Aung San Suu Kyi as a runner up). Bear wanted us to know that helping others was a good thing. No honestly, it is, Jesus said so.

[url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry120506-064238]April&#039;s Clemmie[/url] was superbly snatched by Rhidian Brook. Rhidian started by telling us how unreliable newspaper reporting is. In a stroke of genius he then went on to explain how this proves, yes [i]proves[/i] that the Gospels can&#039;t be made up and are therefore totally, yes [i]totally[/i] reliable. An absolute masterclass in illogicality.

At the height of the Diamond Jubilee, Her Majesty graciously found the time in her busy schedule to present the [url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry120603-094413]May Clemmies[/url]. A few miserable sceptics dared to suggest that this was not really Her Majesty and that I was just making it up. I have no time for such deplorable cynicism. Lord Sacks took the Clemmie for his realisation that the TV remote control was the source of so many of the world&#039;s problems. (Although his fawning sycophancy at the start of the next month was also taken into account. As he pointed out, without HM we would literally [url=http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00tcrgb]eat each other alive[/url]. This greatly impressed Her Majesty when considering her Diamond Jubilee Clemmie.)

By popular demand, the Bishop of Wolverhampton, the Rt Rev Clive Gregory presented the [url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry120701-151823]June Clemmies[/url]. He too was impressed by Lord Sacks&#039; abject servility which earned him the June Clemmie as well.

The [url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry120805-151650]Olympic Clemmies[/url] were presented by the Mayor of London himself, Boris Johnson. Boris awarded Olympic Gold to our old friend Anne Atkins. Anne was able to prove that Jesus was god because a picture of him in an old children&#039;s bible showed him carrying a lamb, and he looked like god.

Rt Hon Jeremy Hunt, PC, MP, presented the [url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry120909-112855]Paralympic Clemmies for August[/url]. Jeremy was keen to point out that he was in no way influenced by his not-at-all-good-friend Rupert Murdoch, who was little more than a casual acquaintance, whom he had never actually met and in fact had never even heard of until I mentioned him just now. Rev Dr Dr David Wilkinson overcame a particularly severe disability (technically known as [i]Christianity[/i]) to demonstrate that Christians invented curiosity, without which the great Christian, Galileo, couldn&#039;t have achieved everything that he did.

Nick Clegg gave us the [url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry120930-100155]September Clemmies[/url] while at the same time telling us how sorry, how very, very sorry he was. September included one of the most platitudinous weeks ever, with four out the five POTDs that weeks scoring maximum points. It is to the credit of Lord Sacks that he managed to steal that month&#039;s award by, not once, but [i]twice[/i] reminding us that scientists, with their absolutist claims about truth, should learn to be a little more humble, like religion is.

You must be thinking that something is really wrong so far: not a single Catholic Clemmie. Well this dry run was spectacularly ended by our past POTY, Clifford Longley. Clifford pointed out that no true Catholic would abuse children as Jimmy Savile did. He even managed to refer to the abuse by Catholic priests and then dismiss it as irrelevant. This wasn&#039;t Clifford&#039;s only contribution in the [url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry121104-074210]October Clemmies[/url] - all three of his POTDs that month are superb.

November saw the first ever Clemmie awarded to [url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry121202-090325]Baron Wimbledon, Great Uncle Dr Lord Indarjit Singh[/url]. He told us that the rituals and customs of religion aren&#039;t what&#039;s important. The country&#039;s leading man with a turban, holy knife and magic underpants, made it clear that people should stop concentrating on the trivia of religion, it was putting people off. 

The [url=http://www.platitudes.org.uk/platblog/index.php?entry=entry130101-062005]final Clemmie of 2012[/url] went to Lord Harries. He was quick to dismiss those superstitious fools who thought the world was going to end thanks to an ancient Mayan prediction. The real end of the world was predicted by the New Tasty mint with the second coming of Jesus Christ. It could happen any millennia now.

So there you have it:

John Bell
Mona Siddiqui 
Bear Grylls
Rhidian Brook
Lord Sacks (x3)
Anne Atkins
David Wilkinson 
Clifford Longley
Lord Singh
Lord Harries

who will it be?

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